Soliloquy...

[snypadub]

For my creative writing assignment at uni I have been asked to write a soliloquy of Hamlet.
This is my first draft and was wondering what you guys made of it?
It didn't nescesarily have to be linked to the play but, to the character of hamlet himself. I chose to write mine after Hamlet's death:

And as the end encroaches* me
Beyond or here? Oh! Life so precious
Yet death makes a mockery of us all.
Yet to fall, or to have fallen-
Through the veil of life and into this.
What is this for I feel alive.
I detest that this has cometh from me
This life (or none) of my mortal mind.
The mortal mind though now disposed.
This endless plain of unknowing mist..
This tremulous field of dreams**.
All the worldly feelings
Love hath lost to hate
Yet hate grows a new in me
Early stirrings of something so strong
Powerfully entraps my sense
Into this oblivion this non-sense.
Let reason not elude
I feel therefore I must sense something
My innermost feelings rendered
Meaningless in this form
My father, oh we are truly kin now
This otherly existence
Beyond a time eternaly distant.
There must be logic behind my coming here
but here is somewhere, like Hamlet, I am not
Yet Hamlet I was and Hamlet I should be.
Of all that passed on the stage before
I recall as if it, hazily occurred.
Not of memory but of my very core
That burns not as it did in that domain
the domain of no more.
So it is I came to pass
To eat of the tree and usurp the soul.
Yet to remain in this space
A testament to something I cannot
Grasp.
Beyond that pleasure dome of life
once felt.
In order to understand something
Must I not, at first, reflect upon those sacred
Constitutions, those of my own mind.***
Have I now become, that creature?
Am I merely capable of meditation?
What I feel most is love
Yet the lines are blurred
Am I capable of love? Is this love?
Anger seeps not through the channels
Of love. Yet anger doth run through me.
The commonplace for anger and love.
Exists on the verge of hate.
There is an abyss that one must enter
There exists, in harmony
Anger and love.
Yet the abyss itself pours into hate.
Rational thought seems impossible
Yet rationality is all I have.
My link to life
My companion in death.
The only way I can contemplate anything.
What have I done, madness succumbs
To murder, vengeance and ungodly
Sin. The sin in its originality
Led me to this... my fate was sealed
By my actions of late.
Of late, of course, certain of that.
But what comes next? Must I repent?
Yet to repent is to deny
The feelings inside ever present.
Without repent is there any progression?
This toilsome place is all I have.
Hatred, fear and lasting aggression.
I accept it O' father, I acted in sin.
I had to of course! For my world
Dissolved when my father parted.
My mother and him...
My eternal right...
Was it worthy for this eternal night?
Should I regret or accept my fall.
My lack of conviction suggests nothing.
Yet nothing I have. And from this nothing
Engulfed forever, his fiery reach.



*twisted the word encroach. Encroach as in, take over or seize. The end here, seizes Hamlet.
** The alliteration here of, 'Th' is to create a false sense of stability whilst contradicting with the, 'T'
sound created by tremulous.
*** linking to Colleridge, at first through pleasure dome but then, to Coleridge's thoughts concerning the understanding of mentality.
Water and channels used within are supposed to link to Ophelia's death...

What do you rekon??? Any suggestions??

[ashley]

tl;dr

Cool story, bro

[ashley]

[oli90]

I thought it was ok but some of the words are out of date, and also it doesn't rhyme very well.

[64hz]

mate thats a bit long for a limerick :/

[64hz]

jokes, i actually thought it was really good.

What I feel most is love
Yet the lines are blurred
Am I capable of love? Is this love?
Anger seeps not through the channels
Of love. Yet anger doth run through me.

could of been will himself

[snypadub]

In terms of being out of date. The idea behind my piece was to anchor Hamlet to Shakespere's world through one or two archaic words.
As for the rhyme scheme: Wanted to have a seperation from Shakespeare's Iambic Pentametre, so chose the form of; a solitary stream of consciousness. Having said this, there are one or tow rhymes in there with one or two lines of blank verse just to keep a few shakespearien anchor points. Also, is the wink to Milton's paradise lost obvious or not obvious enough???

[oli90]

I was joking.

[blizzardmusic]

tl;dr

Cool story, bro

tbh