I am far too...........

weedlefruit · Post by **weedlefruit** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:19 pm

tired to be dealing with people that don't know the difference between the left and right click on their mouse over the phone............................................

Someone just said "Yeah I bought that acer iPad from QVC" My face met my desk in this kind of fashion

Anyone else having a hard time recovering from the weekend in time for work? I was an hour late today aswell................

jameshk · Post by **jameshk** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:27 pm

thank god i have mondays off.

magma · Post by **magma** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:38 pm

Reminds me of my old days working for AOL. I once had a full-blown row with a woman on the phone who accused me (personally) of ripping her off because her Free Trial CD that she'd got in Asda didn't mention she needed to plug her computer into the phoneline to get it to work.

I actually had to use the phrase "You know that the Internet isn't... on... the disc, don't you?"

A colleague of mine spent half an hour diagnosing someone's printer problem even though it wasn't anything to do with AOL.. after running through the usual checks it seemed that the printer had run out of Yellow and nothing else.

"What are you printing onto?"

"Oh, just some yellow card.... wait.."

I've got a permanently flattened forehead from bashing it against desks in that place!

LA_Boxers · Post by **LA_Boxers** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:48 pm

Stupid people are stupid.

weedlefruit · Post by **weedlefruit** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:04 pm

magma wrote:Reminds me of my old days working for AOL. I once had a full-blown row with a woman on the phone who accused me (personally) of ripping her off because her Free Trial CD that she'd got in Asda didn't mention she needed to plug her computer into the phoneline to get it to work.

I actually had to use the phrase "You know that the Internet isn't... on... the disc, don't you?"

A colleague of mine spent half an hour diagnosing someone's printer problem even though it wasn't anything to do with AOL.. after running through the usual checks it seemed that the printer had run out of Yellow and nothing else.

"What are you printing onto?"

"Oh, just some yellow card.... wait.."

I've got a permanently flattened forehead from bashing it against desks in that place!

Aaahaha that yellow ink one oh my god! Yeah I do tech support for lots of companies including QVC (which basically sells pentioners laptops and makes them look as easy to use and understand as a cheese grater) .

People buying netbooks and laptops and having a go at me because it doesn't come with the internet on it.
"Well they didn't make it very clear on the TSV that it doesn't come with the internet"
"When you bought your car sir, Did the car salesmen say "now you must fill this with petrol before you can use it"? No he didn't because EVERYONE knows this.

Rage. lol

LA_Boxers · Post by **LA_Boxers** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:12 pm

If they are a retard talk to them as though they are so.

weedlefruit · Post by **weedlefruit** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:26 pm

Oh god, One day I think i'm gonna blow and just lace some poor old dear when she asks the wrong question at the wrong time, but we get tested on our calls so can't get away with it which sucks aha

magma · Post by **magma** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:49 pm

weedlefruit wrote:People buying netbooks and laptops and having a go at me because it doesn't come with the internet on it.
"Well they didn't make it very clear on the TSV that it doesn't come with the internet"
"When you bought your car sir, Did the car salesmen say "now you must fill this with petrol before you can use it"? No he didn't because EVERYONE knows this.

Rage. lol

Perhaps they'd bought one of those Toyotas that come with, you know, every single road, village, town, city and tourist attraction in the country packed into the boot.

My greatest/worst moment was a conversation with a bloke about why his account had been locked out.

"Well, it's down to some activity in the chatrooms on such-and-such-a-day"

"We were on holiday then. Only my son was here. What was he doing?"

"Are you sure you want me to tell you? I could just forward the conversation on? It's a bit.... graphic."

"No, tell me."

"Ok. Erm." *read man transcript of his teenage son begging multiple male strangers to come round and 'break him in'*

LA_Boxers · Post by **LA_Boxers** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 3:56 pm

Haha.......awesome.

(no homo)

weedlefruit · Post by **weedlefruit** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:01 pm

Oh my good god that's awful haha. We have a tool where we remotely control peoples PC's and such and we've had customers still with free sex cam's open and such, or people sitting naked on webcam asking us to log in and try and get skype working.

When I tell a customer I'm going to log in and take control of their PC, I really thought people would understand that I would be able to see what it is they have open

magma · Post by **magma** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:05 pm

weedlefruit wrote:Oh my good god that's awful haha. We have a tool where we remotely control peoples PC's and such and we've had customers still with free sex cam's open and such, or people sitting naked on webcam asking us to log in and try and get skype working.

When I tell a customer I'm going to log in and take control of their PC, I really thought people would understand that I would be able to see what it is they have open

Oh christ, I bet some of them do the webcam on purpose. People are mental.

We didn't have any of that fancy stuff when I was doing it, the cleverest it got was recognising the person's number and bringing up their account details without asking... of course, if they had a funny login name we'd still make them say it outloud...

"Sorry, madame, I can't help you if you don't give me your screen name."

"Oh, well, ok, I've forgotten it because I never type it in, I mean, well, err it's MAD4COCK"

*silence*

"Sorry, can you spell that please?"

Basstronomer · Post by **Basstronomer** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:13 pm

We need more of this...

weedlefruit · Post by **weedlefruit** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:19 pm

magma wrote:
weedlefruit wrote:Oh my good god that's awful haha. We have a tool where we remotely control peoples PC's and such and we've had customers still with free sex cam's open and such, or people sitting naked on webcam asking us to log in and try and get skype working.

When I tell a customer I'm going to log in and take control of their PC, I really thought people would understand that I would be able to see what it is they have open

Oh christ, I bet some of them do the webcam on purpose. People are mental.

We didn't have any of that fancy stuff when I was doing it, the cleverest it got was recognising the person's number and bringing up their account details without asking... of course, if they had a funny login name we'd still make them say it outloud...

"Sorry, madame, I can't help you if you don't give me your screen name."

"Oh, well, ok, I've forgotten it because I never type it in, I mean, well, err it's MAD4COCK"

*silence*

"Sorry, can you spell that please?"

Ahahaha amazing! We get some fab emails and peoples names, some good ones are "Mr crapper" but we've get people like "Ian Lovett" so their initials are I Lovett.

Other good surnames like Bummer, Bumber, Alcock, Twat, and just cock. Had some that said their sirname was "Pew" once but it was spelt Pou. But the best thing is the people with names like cock, had a Mrs Cock ones and she pronounced the name as "Yes its Mrs E cough" can you spell that for me?

We had a Mrs Max Power before, some people who have had their names obviously changed aswell. Im gonna have to have a look through our call logs to find some better examples though lol. Chinese woman called Chooi Khooi before aswell pronouneced "Chewy Cooey" . I lol'd

wormcode · Post by **wormcode** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:21 pm

Some lady was suing some company recently for spying on her via webcam remote access. It happens a lot actually.
http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2011/0 ... or-spying/
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/technology- ... 35471.html
http://gizmodo.com/5474614/school-spies ... op-cameras

I've done so much tech support over the years, it doesn't bother me any more. I soon came to terms with the fact that not everyone is a geek or has an interest in becoming one. Some folks just want their computer to work, and with spyware/malware/etc all over the place these days, I understand their frustration. I've dealt with computers that took about an hour to boot, a couple of minutes for a program to open, DAYS to download their Outlook email list etc. There's companies that charge insane amounts of money for easy stuff like removing malware and hijackers, it's crazy. If someone is a total dick and yelling at me like it's my fault, I'm less patient and helpful.

I don't do support any more, except with friends and family. I quickly started to hate computers.

weedlefruit · Post by **weedlefruit** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:28 pm

wormcode wrote:Some lady was suing some company recently for spying on her via webcam remote access. It happens a lot actually.
http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2011/0 ... or-spying/
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/technology- ... 35471.html
http://gizmodo.com/5474614/school-spies ... op-cameras

I've done so much tech support over the years, it doesn't bother me any more. I soon came to terms with the fact that not everyone is a geek or has an interest in becoming one. Some folks just want their computer to work, and with spyware/malware/etc all over the place these days, I understand their frustration. I've dealt with computers that took about an hour to boot, a couple of minutes for a program to open, DAYS to download their Outlook email list etc. There's companies that charge insane amounts of money for easy stuff like removing malware and hijackers, it's crazy. If someone is a total dick and yelling at me like it's my fault, I'm less patient and helpful.

I don't do support any more, except with friends and family. I quickly started to hate computers.

ive spoken to a few companies where our customers have called in crying that a company charged them like 200 quid after ringing them up to say their system shows there is an error, only to find out theyve had their details rinsed and all the people did was install CCleaner which is free. Pretty savage, I do sympathise with these people but on the other hand I think it is what happens when they get involved with things they don't know about.

I know what you mean though, plus if they had a clue I woulnd't have a job. But i was asked today how this customer can "top up her battery". I was like " you know that mains plug? And it has a smaller bit on it?, well the mains plug goes into the mains and the smaller end in the laptop."

Thats basic.

wormcode · Post by **wormcode** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:03 pm

Yeah those RTFM/PEBKAC issues I never quite got used to.
Quite a few years ago there was a large archive where people recorded and uploaded tech support calls. I have my doubts it's still around, but does that sound familiar to anyone? I forgot the name. There's these too: http://notalwaysright.com/

notalwaysright.com wrote:User: “I want all my 64 bits.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
User: “My new computer has Windows 7, right?”
Me: “Yes, it does. Is there something wrong with it?”
User: “You do know that means it uses up 7 bits, right?”

Recordings (not the site I was thinking of though): http://www.techcomedy.com/calls/calls.htm
Back in the phreaking days: http://www.phonelosers.org/techsupport/
(S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D one: "Hello, is this uh, the internet?" "That's me, I'm the Internet!")

firky · Post by **firky** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:08 pm

There's a great telephone recording, that must be at least ten years old now, of a guy doing BT market research. It was one the first MP3s I ever downloaded it.

It's gold.

firky · Post by **firky** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:10 pm

wormcode · Post by **wormcode** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:12 pm

hahahahaha nice one. I wonder what Diane thought.

Korupt · Post by **Korupt** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 7:51 pm

(This occurred approximately 4-5 years ago, but continues to be a favorite to tell the newbies. There are four concession stand workers and we are all on one side of the stand talking late one night.)

Me: *returning from other side* “Hey guys, did we remove the salted pretzel from the display?”

Coworker #1: “Not that I know of.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, that’s weird. Maybe the manager knows.”

(She finds our manager.)

Coworker #2: “Did you get rid of the pretzel display model?”

Manager: “No.”

Coworker #1: “You don’t think someone stole it do you?”

Coworker #2: “No, that would be stupid!”

(Then, we see a teen wandering the lobby looking a little bewildered, munching on a pretzel.)

Me: “Um…did you get that pretzel from the case there?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “That is a display model only. It has been there for a year and a half. It’s also been treated with shellac.”

(The customer takes a bite.)

Customer: *muffled* “Tastes pretty good to me!”

(The customer wanders off unsteadily and we all stare in utter shock.)

Manager: “Keep an eye on him. He’s probably going to be violently sick.”

this site is gold! (notalwaysright.com)

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