anti-jokes

particle-jim · Post by **particle-jim** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:18 pm

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?

Nothing, two different species cannot propagate and gene splicing isn't advanced enough to separate the specific traits of an organism.

particle-jim · Post by **particle-jim** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:24 pm

if life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic

wub · Post by **wub** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:26 pm

What's Jordan giving Harvey for Christmas?

The same love & attention you'd give any child, differently abled or otherwise.

particle-jim · Post by **particle-jim** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:30 pm

A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired"

Everyone laughed.

The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.

Liam92 · Post by **Liam92** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:41 pm

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi all walk into a bar. Bars serve people of all religions.

ComfiStile · Post by **ComfiStile** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:41 pm

What do you call a muslim flying a plane?

The pilot.

particle-jim · Post by **particle-jim** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:42 pm

A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling.
"I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said.
So he found some berries, but spit them out.
"These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said.
He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees.
"That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said.
He then stumbled upon a cabin.
"I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered.

The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes

ComfiStile · Post by **ComfiStile** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:45 pm

A Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"
The Horse replies, "I have AIDs."

wub · Post by **wub** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:47 pm

This is a really shit idea for a thread, Jim.

particle-jim · Post by **particle-jim** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:50 pm

What do you get when you cross a duck and a pig?

A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

Kid_Robotik · Post by **Kid_Robotik** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:00 pm

wub wrote:What's Jordan giving Harvey for Christmas?

The same love & attention you'd give any child, differently abled or otherwise.

particle-jim · Post by **particle-jim** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:14 pm

How did the pig solve the Arab-Israeli Conflict?

It didn't. It further exacerbated the problem. The Arab-Israeli Conflict is a multifaceted geopolitical quagmire based on long-simmering religious, ethnic and territorial tensions. A pig is too stupid to understand the root causes of the problem, let alone provide a viable solution. In retrospect, it seems ridiculous to have entrusted a pig with such an important diplomatic mission.

Electric_Head · Post by **Electric_Head** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:30 pm

Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair?

She had dementia.

Electric_Head · Post by **Electric_Head** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:30 pm

A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe. The polar bear looks at the seal and says,

"RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him.

Mehlovich · Post by **Mehlovich** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:31 pm

particle-jim wrote:How did the pig solve the Arab-Israeli Conflict?

It didn't. It further exacerbated the problem. The Arab-Israeli Conflict is a multifaceted geopolitical quagmire based on long-simmering religious, ethnic and territorial tensions. A pig is too stupid to understand the root causes of the problem, let alone provide a viable solution. In retrospect, it seems ridiculous to have entrusted a pig with such an important diplomatic mission.

Electric_Head · Post by **Electric_Head** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:34 pm

What did Goldilocks say to the three bears?

She asked them how bears make porridge without opposable thumbs.

particle-jim · Post by **particle-jim** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:34 pm

roses are grey, violets are grey, im a dog

Electric_Head · Post by **Electric_Head** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:35 pm

One day, Little Timmy asked his mother this question, "Mommy, why are boys and girls different?" She responded, "You're adopted and Santa Claus is dead."

Electric_Head · Post by **Electric_Head** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:35 pm

How many midgets can you fit into a telephone booth?

Well, it really depends on a lot of factors. The size and design of the phone booth itself is pretty important. Also, midgets really have a wide range of sizes, but we could do some analysis and find out the average at least.

Based on that we could have an estimate done soon.

particle-jim · Post by **particle-jim** » Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:37 pm

what did one japanese guy say to another japanese guy?

i don't know, i can't speak japanese

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