Since 2007 (dabbled a bit with beats in 2005 but whatever) I've spent countless hours making beats. Sacrificed social life because of it, the whole nine. spent countless hours developing what I thought was something "unique" and "my own". tried to differentiate myself, tried to avoid trends, and so on. i'm a nobody in this electronic music shit but that's besides the point. tried different approaches i.e. banging out tracks in one session to keep the inspiration going. tried spending weeks and months on tracks (this approach is more suitable to me, i've learned...). thought about eps, albums.
never have i felt more relieved than about 9 months ago or so when "real life" got in the way and I couldn't really fuck with beats as much. not as much time. renoise hasn't even been opened in forever. and at this point, i think it's a good thing.
I've never been like "i'm a producer" and all that because i'm not, i'm a dude in my mid twenties with a laptop, keyboard, and woodwind instrument lol. who would i be fooling? this is a hobby. and should be treated as such. not to sound negative, but there's no "bout to blow" moment, even less so than a lot of delusional rappers i've come across.
i'm enjoying not obsessively making beats and being more of a music fan again, and not feeling jealous and hopeless every time i hear a sick beat that i didn't make.
got to the point i couldn't/wouldnt listen to FlyLo beats without feeling some sort of weird anxiety (not really though) because his Sonny Liston shit puts my Marty Marshall shit to shame any day of the week, any second of the day (idiotic).
and guess what, maybe i'm not ever destined to be involved with music in any capacity (still working on the label thing though
some of us weren't meant to be producers. being a fan has just as much value.
and on that note, whatever beats i do make this summer will likely never see light of day...and i like that.
GOOD NIGHT
