Tell Some Jokes

[idontreallygiveashit]

Make up some crap jokes and tell them. Your current topic is: beans.

[ehbes]

what can jelly beans do that you can't? cum in different colors

[sigbowls]

beans make you look like a beaner

[idontreallygiveashit]

Why did the bean have mood swings? Because he was bean-polar!
Why was the bean so worried? Because he had a stalker!

...

Feel free to nominate another topic, or not even abide by one.

[tyger]

[the waiter puts a bowl in front of the customer]

customer: what is this?

waiter: it's bean soup.

c: i don't care what it's been; what is it now?

[faust.dtc]

What do you call a man covered in beans? Mr Bean or Beanie man or a human bean

[hugh]

Where you bean all day?

[ketamine]

New Beano Brand Beantastic Bean Stew, now with more* Beans!

*Product does not contain beans

[idontreallygiveashit]

[the waiter puts a bowl in front of the customer]

customer: what is this?

waiter: it's bean soup.

c: i don't care what it's been; what is it now?

winner, next topic is... dwarves

[sigbowls]

bears?

[faust.dtc]

Dwarves need to grow up.

(Edit: Can I take this post back and retire on 5000?)

[ketamine]

[the waiter puts a bowl in front of the customer]

customer: what is this?

waiter: it's bean soup.

c: i don't care what it's been; what is it now?

this only works with a british accent

[sigbowls]

i want to see the bears of your butts

[idontreallygiveashit]

Why was the bear trustworthy? Because he would always bear witness!
Where do bears come from? Bearmingham!
What's a midget's favourite drug? Dwarphine!

[scspkr99]

guy goes into a cafe sits down waiter asks him what he wants

customer: egg chips and beans
Waiter: there's no beans mate can I get you something else
c: ok I'll have sausage and beans mate
w: I'm sorry mate I said there's no beans what would you like
c: sound I'll have the steak mash and beans then
w: I'm sorry but I don't think you get this so we're going to play a game
w: spell dog as in dogmatic
c: d o g
w sound now spell cat as in catastrophe
c: cat
w: great mate you're getting this now spell fuck as in beans
c: there's no fuck in beans mate
w: Excellent now what would you like

too late but w/e

[Kochari]

What do you call a cheesy bear?
A bearbybel

[sigbowls]

Dwarves need to grow up.

(Edit: Can I take this post back and retire on 5000?)

give it to me

[Terpit]

I was gonna tell a joke about a dyslexic dwarf but it's not big, and it's not clever.

[tyger]

there was an englishman, a scotsman, and a dwarf (don't dwaves have a nationality, you ask? not in this joke), and they were visiting a zoo. the englishman and the scotsman were continually arguing about everything (because they always do in jokes, right?). so when they came to the lions, the englishman naturally pointed out how impressive they were, and that lions are the symbolic animal of england. the scotsman said: "that's nothing! look at that unicorn [and he pointed behind the englishman]: the symbolic animal of scotland." the englishman didn't even want to look behind him, because the scotsman was clearly taking the piss. but he couldn't quite bring himself to ignore it. so eventually he asked the dwarf: "what animal's over there?" and he pointed in the same general direction that the scotsman had pointed. the dwarf had been happily keeping out of the quarrel so far, so this rather put him on the spot: how could he avoid taking sides now? trying to play for time, he replied: "bear with me."

[ketamine]

^ I'm only at the first sentence and ing