Getting back with ur ex..

[dreamizm]

Anyone wanted to/tried it...?

What worked, what didn't.... and under what time-frames?

Seems to be a lot of mixed views on it. I am normally a FWD motion kinda guy but hmmm well...

Peace.

[JTMMusicuk]

Bad idea.

[teamhobson]

Depends on the terms it ended. If one party cheated or something, then it probably isn't a good move. If you just drifted apart due to long distance or something then it's probably worth trying again.

[magma]

Ever FWD>>, Never Back.

You broke up for a reason and that reason probably hasn't changed no matter how much you both fancy a little trip down memory lane.

[particle-jim]

generally I wouldn't recommend it, I got back with an ex and we just about managed to keep it together another year before we had an even more hideous and painful breakup than the first time around.

[dreamizm]

.

[dreamizm]

^^ Yeh this. And if ur heart been broken once by someone it is more than likely gona happen again.

I agree with the reason thing too but that is something that can be fixed, perhaps in the future/few months. Atm I am thinkin getting over the person first puts you in a stronger position to make the right decision in the future but the practicalities of a future re-connection seem hard to fathom at this stage, esp if there has been no contact in the weeks/months in between .. you're basically starting from scratch again aren't you!?

[Johnlenham]

Ever FWD>>, Never Back.

You broke up for a reason and that reason probably hasn't changed no matter how much you both fancy a little trip down memory lane.

Yup friend of mine is trying it now and she constantly brings up stuff that hes said/done that winds her up and I just think why waste your time.
All the time and effort spent chasing that you could have found someone ten times better.

Edit:* the same stuff that wound her up two years ago

[kidshuffle]

yeah this is probably the worst idea. people come in and out of your life for a reason

[DRTY]

AVOID

[particle-jim]

tbh even shagging an ex can be a really bad idea too (though it may not seem it at the time) proper fucked with my head that did

[dreamizm]

tbh even shagging an ex can be a really bad idea too (though it may not seem it at the time) proper fucked with my head that did

Was she the one re-initiating contact after the break-up tho?

I am guessing you dumped her also.

[magma]

^^ Yeh this. And if ur heart been broken once by someone it is more than likely gona happen again.

I agree with the reason thing too but that is something that can be fixed, perhaps in the future/few months. Atm I am thinkin getting over the person first puts you in a stronger position to make the right decision in the future but the practicalities of a future re-connection seem hard to fathom at this stage, esp if there has been no contact in the weeks/months in between .. you're basically starting from scratch again aren't you!?

Exactly, and in which case, you might as well start from scratch without all the baggage of a failed relationship. The breakup will always be there in the background... most breakups stem from differences in personality rather than actual acts of betrayal that they created - if your girl cheated on you (or vice versa), then she was probably looking for something more/different to what you could offer... it's not the cheat that causes the breakup, the clash of personalities causes the breakup, the cheat just initiates the shutdown sequence. If things fizzled out when you went long distance then there were underlying issues... that's what happened to me and my last serious ex... the distance actually showed us that neither of us were invested enough to warrant carrying on. It showed that there was a structural problem with our bond - if we couldn't take the pressure of a 5 hour train journey, how the fuck would we take the pressure of screaming kids or joint bank accounts?

When you "start a fresh", all those doubts get put to the back of the mind in the flood of oxytocin and endorphins that accompany falling in love. Of course you can re-fall for her and her for you; you fell for each other the first time - falling for someone doesn't mean you should be together, though... you can fall for most people if you spend enough time with them. Love isn't the reason, it's the result... pick your partner properly and love will be your wings, pick them wrong and love will be the hundred-weight slung round your neck.

[dreamizm]

^^ Yeh this. And if ur heart been broken once by someone it is more than likely gona happen again.

I agree with the reason thing too but that is something that can be fixed, perhaps in the future/few months. Atm I am thinkin getting over the person first puts you in a stronger position to make the right decision in the future but the practicalities of a future re-connection seem hard to fathom at this stage, esp if there has been no contact in the weeks/months in between .. you're basically starting from scratch again aren't you!?

Exactly, and in which case, you might as well start from scratch without all the baggage of a failed relationship. The breakup will always be there in the background... most breakups stem from differences in personality rather than actual acts of betrayal that they created - if your girl cheated on you (or vice versa), then she was probably looking for something more/different to what you could offer... it's not the cheat that causes the breakup, the clash of personalities causes the breakup, the cheat just initiates the shutdown sequence. If things fizzled out when you went long distance then there were underlying issues... that's what happened to me and my last serious ex... the distance actually showed us that neither of us were invested enough to warrant carrying on. It showed that there was a structural problem with our bond - if we couldn't take the pressure of a 5 hour train journey, how the fuck would we take the pressure of screaming kids or joint bank accounts?

When you "start a fresh", all those doubts get put to the back of the mind in the flood of oxytocin and endorphins that accompany falling in love. Of course you can re-fall for her and her for you; you fell for each other the first time - falling for someone doesn't mean you should be together, though... you can fall for most people if you spend enough time with them. Love isn't the reason, it's the result... pick your partner properly and love will be your wings, pick them wrong and love will be the hundred-weight slung round your neck.

yep yep.

Its not abt cheatin. I agree what your sayin abt the bond and personality match - but issues here can sometimes be worked in time (aware I am speaking from a lovelorn point of view here tho!)

[dreamizm]

pick your partner properly and love will be your wings, pick them wrong and love will be the hundred-weight slung round your neck.

V true tho G!

[particle-jim]

tbh even shagging an ex can be a really bad idea too (though it may not seem it at the time) proper fucked with my head that did

Was she the one re-initiating contact after the break-up tho?

I am guessing you dumped her also.

to be honest I'm not even sure who re-initiated it anymore, that whole period was a very messy time for both parties involved, same goes for the break up, the whole thing was just a fucking mess really, the second break up was because she fucked one of my (formerly) best mates on my birthday so we called it all off... but we kept having sex anyway for a few months afterwards, that proper fucked with my self esteem

TL;DR ONCE YOU'VE BROKEN UP STAY THE FUCK BROKEN UP!!!

[kidshuffle]

damn, magma comin in with dat knowledge

[dubfordessert]

i think a big reason for doing this is thinking you're never gonna find someone else, or that if you're gonna have a failed relationship, having failed relationships with many people makes it seem like you're just shit at relationships... fear basically. there's an expectation that there will ever be someone that you can have everything with which i think is unrealistic for a lot of people. breakups are to be expected, especially when you're young. that said i think it's pretty easy to avoid cheating no matter how unhappy you are in your relationship.

but it depends on why you broke up. i don't agree it's always just personality. the strain of circumstances can make things difficult for even the most ideally suited people - i don't think long distance is ever really a good idea. what is a relationship if you barely have time with each other, no matter what the reason?

[magma]

Its not abt cheatin. I agree what your sayin abt the bond and personality match - but issues here can sometimes be worked in time (aware I am speaking from a lovelorn point of view here tho!)

Nothing's black and white - I'm sure it's more than possible and perhaps my twenties stole a bit of my innate romanticism, but IME holding on to that hope is the best way to stay lovelorn. I moped around after a girl for far too long once... it only got better once I made the decision that no matter what she finally decided, I was most definitely gone.

As long as you're in control of your life, you're cool... the moment you're hanging on someone else's whim, you're in trouble because you're placing responsibility for your own happiness onto another person. Happiness comes from within - love only amplifies it a bit.

i think a big reason for doing this is thinking you're never gonna find someone else, or that if you're gonna have a failed relationship, having failed relationships with many people makes it seem like you're just shit at relationships... fear basically. there's an expectation that there will ever be someone that you can have everything with which i think is unrealistic for a lot of people. breakups are to be expected, especially when you're young. that said i think it's pretty easy to avoid cheating no matter how unhappy you are in your relationship.

Yep, agreed. Cheating was just an example tbh.. it sounds like dreamizm had another reasons.

And word.... 3.5 billion lays to try, choose ONE.

[Johoosh]

damn, magma comin in with dat knowledge