When your friends say racist/homophobic/sexist shit

[scspkr99]

I routinely have to call people out over stuff like that

This. I had to call out three separate people for slipping the N word in to sentences casually at the pub the other week

That's kinda mad, fair play for calling them all out but for three people to do it seems a lot.

[garethom]

Last time one of my mates said something racist, the million man march happened.

Just saying.

[dickman69]

i call alot of my black friends n*gga & they call me white chocolate

That is so gay.

Homophobe

Ban

Also does anyone think trying to embarrass someone for saying racist stuff is gonna change their, obviously devoid of intelligence, mind?
I usually just say something to them later person to person if i get the opportunity because it seems to have more impact.

To like stop a whole conversation & be like "hey man!!!" ppl probably see u as more of a dickhead then them

[Forum]

I don't say anything

To like stop a whole conversation & be like "hey man!!!" ppl probably see u as more of a dickhead then them

For that reason

[scspkr99]

Also does anyone think trying to embarrass someone for saying racist stuff is gonna change their, obviously devoid of intelligence, mind?
I usually just say something to them later person to person if i get the opportunity because it seems to have more impact.

To like stop a whole conversation & be like "hey man!!!" ppl probably see u as more of a dickhead then them

This if anything is a reason to stop them in the middle of the conversation. It helps not only to get the person making the comments check themselves but it draws attention to other peoples acceptance of such shit as well. If your mates aren't dickheads then they'll get it.

[dickman69]

Usually if im in a group of ppl that are saying shit like that...

Theyre more than likely dickheads

[scspkr99]

Fair point.

[particle-jim]

Also does anyone think trying to embarrass someone for saying racist stuff is gonna change their, obviously devoid of intelligence, mind?
I usually just say something to them later person to person if i get the opportunity because it seems to have more impact.

To like stop a whole conversation & be like "hey man!!!" ppl probably see u as more of a dickhead then them

This if anything is a reason to stop them in the middle of the conversation. It helps not only to get the person making the comments check themselves but it draws attention to other peoples acceptance of such shit as well. If your mates aren't dickheads then they'll get it.

Absolutely, no use pussyfooting about, if someones being a tnuc call them out over it

[Periphery]

Also does anyone think trying to embarrass someone for saying racist stuff is gonna change their, obviously devoid of intelligence, mind?
I usually just say something to them later person to person if i get the opportunity because it seems to have more impact.

To like stop a whole conversation & be like "hey man!!!" ppl probably see u as more of a dickhead then them

This if anything is a reason to stop them in the middle of the conversation. It helps not only to get the person making the comments check themselves but it draws attention to other peoples acceptance of such shit as well. If your mates aren't dickheads then they'll get it.

Absolutely, no use pussyfooting about, if someones being a tnuc call them out over it

As with most things there is no blanket solution to dealing with bigotry. There are many ways to confront it but I feel Particle-Jim and Laces' method (by and large, not necessarily in the aforementioned individual circumstances) achieve even less of a positive outcome than Southstar's. It only serves to alienate the individual further and when confronted most people tend to withdraw from any mental state that allows them to hear and consider any alternative way of thinking.

This way of doing things should not be considered when the views in questions are held by people we call friends.

If they are your friends then you have a tremendous opportunity and, some might say, moral obligation to help augment their views on certain sub sections of society.
In my experience an indirect approach works best - "Praise his good points and use every device to encourage him, perhaps by talking about one's own faults without touching on his, but so that they will occur to him. Have him receive this in the way that a man would drink water when his throat is dry, and it will be an opinion that will correct faults.//By bringing shame to a person, how could one expect to make him a better man?" - Yamamoto Tsunetomo

[magma]

I very very rarely ever experience this as my friends are largely sound (being a racist would be a pretty solid reason for me not to be your friend anymore) but I'll pretty much always call people out on it if I think they overstep the mark.

Sexism/Homophobia is more likely to come up than racism... it's probably sexism that causes me to go for the jugular most often. I work on a floor with about 200 people including a grand total of 5 women. It's pretty fucking backward occasionally.

[kingGhost]

are you talking about real hatred/fear or just use of the F and N words?

i live in the American southeast, the place people (unless you actually live here or spent time here) assume there's a large percentage of crazy folk (in comparison to "other places"), and judging by the posts in this thread i encounter -ist people a lot less than you guys do.

[scspkr99]

are you talking about real hatred/fear or just use of the F and N words?

I'm not qualified to speak for the OP but I'd guess that it's use of language because if it was real fear or hatred it'd be hard to maintain any relationship with them.

[kingGhost]

are you talking about real hatred/fear or just use of the F and N words?

I'm not qualified to speak for the OP but I'd guess that it's use of language because if it was real fear or hatred it'd be hard to maintain any relationship with them.

let's say someone says F from time to time, in a joking manner, around friends - usually directed toward a friend as a jab, verbal horseplay if you will. call me crazy but i don't consider that person to be a homophobe. are they probably just less sensitive towards things of that nature? likely, but being ultra-sensitive to an issue doesn't make you any less racist, homophobic, sexist... IMHO those are deeper seeded issues of the psyche. a politician can be very PC and sensitive towards language he uses in public, but also hate him some gays.

TLDR - calling out people for using language you deem to be insensitive doesn't make you a hero.

[magma]

Yeah, simply uttering the words doesn't count. It's all about the intention.

Which is why this is rarely a problem. I imagine most of us are unlikely to be around genuinely racist/homophobic people that regularly. Sexism is still much more acceptable it seems...

[scspkr99]

Yeah, simply uttering the words doesn't count. It's all about the intention.

Which is why this is rarely a problem. I imagine most of us are unlikely to be around genuinely racist/homophobic people that regularly. Sexism is still much more acceptable it seems...

I'm going to disagree with this. Firstly in public people overhearing you use language can't know the intention and so I'd suggest swerving it when possible.

Secondly when you use language in that manner whether you believe calling a friend a homophobe. has anything to do with homophobia or not it reflects a position that it's an insult, that in someway being gay or called gay is an insult.

I'd also suggest that this is somewhat inconsistent with your position regarding Suarez who you were quick to call out as a racist without knowing the intent or the cultural references.

[Mason]

are you talking about real hatred/fear or just use of the F and N words?

I'm not qualified to speak for the OP but I'd guess that it's use of language because if it was real fear or hatred it'd be hard to maintain any relationship with them.

lol if it just about language what if your white and all your friends are black and all call each other N's all the time, do you call them out for being racist?

[scspkr99]

lol if it just about language what if your white and all your friends are black and all call each other N's all the time, do you call them out for being racist?

You can read the thread title right?

[Lye_Form]

[RightOnTime27]

are you talking about real hatred/fear or just use of the F and N words?

I'm not qualified to speak for the OP but I'd guess that it's use of language because if it was real fear or hatred it'd be hard to maintain any relationship with them.

well first off I would suppose it would be necessary to label this person as more of an acquaintance now, we were closer years ago. Anyway she straight up put on facebook something to the tune of

"Mt mom just asked someone for help at homedepot and he said "por que" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!"

I think she has since deleted it but that is pretty close

my favorite one (I saw this from someone I didnt know) was "Obama won the election because he was black" and then a bunch of republicans tried to turn it into an actual intellectual debate instead of a shit show

[magma]

Yeah, simply uttering the words doesn't count. It's all about the intention.

Which is why this is rarely a problem. I imagine most of us are unlikely to be around genuinely racist/homophobic people that regularly. Sexism is still much more acceptable it seems...

I'm going to disagree with this. Firstly in public people overhearing you use language can't know the intention and so I'd suggest swerving it when possible.

Secondly when you use language in that manner whether you believe calling a friend a homophobe. has anything to do with homophobia or not it reflects a position that it's an insult, that in someway being gay or called gay is an insult.

I'd also suggest that this is somewhat inconsistent with your position regarding Suarez who you were quick to call out as a racist without knowing the intent or the cultural references.

Personally I can't think of any time I'd use any of the words mentioned unless quoting someone else, but I can see how context can make pretty much any string of words mean anything to anyone. Common sense dictates that if you're communicating using language that MUST be understood within its proper context you therefore MUST make sure that all those overhearing are in on the context. Running up to your group of mates in the club and yelling "WHAT UP MY N-WORDS!" is a perfectly valid reason to get stabbed in the neck by a stranger and the stranger would have every right to be offended.

In the case of Suarez, he threw a racial descriptor into a sentence insulting someone like John Terry supposedly did, didn't he?. Of course the racial descriptor was part of the insult. If I thought you were a cunt (which obviously I don't), I wouldn't call you a white cunt, I'd just call you a cunt unless I also thought being white was a bad thing. Easy.