Awful or Pompous Band Self-Descriptions

[Harkat]

I could spend hours experimenting with knobs

Seriously though there was nothing offensive about that one.

[wub]

6½ year old Dubstep producer from Baghdad. Part-time snake charmer, full time bodybuilder. 9 times winner of Mr Olympia. Please check out my Soundcloud.

[topmo3]

^ i think that is amazing

[wub]

That's from the Zilthfilla Official Facebook fan page.

[Pedro Sánchez]

6½ year old Dubstep producer from Baghdad. Part-time snake charmer, full time bodybuilder. 9 times winner of Mr Olympia. Please check out my Soundcloud.

That IS amazing.

[alphacat]

---- is undoubtedly a group like none other. Musically they strive to capture the essence of the unchained human spirit. Each song is a journey through the minds of four highly driven individuals merging together to form a harmony that epitomizes true beauty.

At first listen, this band might seem a little indulgent in their respective
instruments. However, further inspection allows the audience to realize this is key to clearly conveying the message in their music.

Pick any part of the music to focus on, whether it be the complex yet seamless rhythms of ---- ’s bass lines, feeding off of the intense dynamics of drummer extraordinaire ---- . Maybe you will notice unlikely chord voicing, used to truly express the emotions of guitarist ---- , working in unison with the powerfully passionate yet subtly sensitive vocals of ---- . Which ever area of the music the listener chooses to explore, one thing is certain. It is at this level that truly unique art is created.

With a sound of such intensity, comes an unparalleled live performance. Each member clings to his role and conveys their ideas as if it were their last breath. Drastic measures are taken to make sure that no audience member is left unscathed. A show that begins with four guys taking their place on a platform ends up turning an entire venue into a stage. If you can’t get to them they will get to you and you will be grateful for it.

To sum up this band in one word: Excelsior (Ever upward). This is undoubtedly an adventure for each individual with no limits in sight. How far along on their journey will they be before you catch on?

[Today]

lmao

[Pedro Sánchez]

The piss funny thing about these is that they are written by the artists themselves in 3rd person

[Terpit]

http://s13.postimg.org/a688ssdc7/DJ_And ... 144352.png

[Pedro Sánchez]

Biografie

[alphacat]

http://s13.postimg.org/a688ssdc7/DJ_And ... 144352.png

OMFG - that one just might take the cake. Wow. Modest little cûnt ain't he?

[ultraspatial]

lol the saviour of hard-dance

[exfox]

not self-descriptions, but i work for a music website and some of the promo descriptions we get are unbelievable.
got this this morning:

----- is a producer who plays trombone and likes to combine donk with honk.

another crazy one we got a few months ago:

Out now on ----, -----'s debut EP, ‘-----,’ presents a unique twist of world bass, glitch, womp, and weird for your ear buds to heed. Envision that moment when you realize you've lost yourself on a dusty desert dance floor. Then, as the drums spark thoughts of tribal ritual through your mind, your ancestors call to you with wisdom of the past while your future self draws you forward into a new reality. Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

sounds like psytrance imo

[Pedro Sánchez]

Womp

[Doctor_Dave]

donk with honk


Also "ear buds" and "dance floor" never go together.

[Terpit]

-------first started listening to dance music during his formulative college years. Upon moving to Bournemouth in 2000 for University, he got heavily involved with the clubbing side of things, purchasing his first decks in 2003 and beginning to play the trance/hard house sound that was prevalent at nights such as Slinky, Oblivion and Trilogy.

The relentless synth riffs, snare drum rolls and screeching female vocals eventually began to get tiresome, and a chance listen to the Stanton Warriors seminal Stanton Sessions mix album made ------ realise there was more to life outside of 147bpm 4/4.

----- slowly began to get into breaks, through nights at the Consortium Club in Bournemouth, as well as spinning at smaller nights such as 5ive at the Fruit Bar. In late 2003 he became resident at the now defunct Trancendance nights in Windsor, spinning an eclectic mix of progressive, techno and breaks during highly praised warm up sets.

A move away from the coast brought him more into the London club scene, and a residency at the legendary Sunday afternoon party Norq! cemented his position as one of the rising stars of breakbeat. More recently, -----has travelled further afield, snaring gigs abroad in events such as Breakage in Cape Town, and Nucleus in New York.

His style is defined by sets loaded with chunky drums, funky melodies and filthy basslines, all stitched together with an energetic mixing style.

Not even bad tbh, just saw it whilst looking for someones DOB on FB, would be rude not to post it

[Sexual_Chocolate]

[Terpit]

I'm gonna have to write one of these for myself this month, ffs, they want a picture too, the thought of the whole thing really makes me shudder

'Can you send over your passport copy, profile shot for the DJ permissions to Monique, CC'd ASAP.

And also send over a hi res press-type shot for the flyer, and also any write up/bio about yourself.
'

I might start a 'help me write my DJ profile' thread

[syrup]

Terpit is not just a hard house DJ, he is an experience.

He is a state of mind.

He is the transporter of minds and souls to an amazing frantic paradise that, while leaving you knackered, strangely also leaves you feeling re-invigorated.

At 6ft tall and broad-shouldered, with his trademark shaved head, a chunky ostentatious chain around his neck, and immaculate dress sense (if it’s not designer, it doesn’t go anywhere near him) he makes an imposing figure who commands respect.

His confident appearance is matched by his masterful control of a good mixing desk. Before each set he always powers down the previous track and leads the packed dance floor in a show of appreciation for the out-going DJ, before kick-starting his performance into a blaze of visuals, an orchestra of special effects which extracts every quality beat of each track as he begins his show.

To watch Terpit DJ is part of the Terpit experience. Cocky? Perhaps, but certainly not arrogant, Terpit is now in control of the minds and bodies of his audience. A very precise and confident body language gives a visual indication to what he is playing as he acts out each track.

Yet, he is not dancing; this is something far more emotional. Imagine watching a porn star having hot, rough, yet passionate but dominating sex to a breathless, wailing lover which, in this case, comes in the shape of a mixing desk. Forceful, dominant, aggressive yet somehow tender and caring. The visual impact allows your body to further immerse itself in the ecstasy he is submitting you to; your ears alone cannot possibly absorb everything that he is throwing at you.

As for his sound, imagine every track as a partially completed canvas. Through the use of effects on the mixing desk, Terpit adds his own colour, texture and feel as he maximises every beat of every track to create the unique Terpit sound. His precision mixing at incalculable speeds is part of the show; as each track mixes in you can positively feel the dance-floor going up a notch to keep up with the frantic and energetic DJ that has them all by the balls.

Terpit’s blend of vocal uplifting bouncy house is like him: deliciously hard yet very accessible. And when Terpit makes eye contact with you, even if only be for a second, you get to experience the ultimate unique sensation of him seeking your seal of approval. In that moment you have transcended being a mere audience member, into being part of what will almost certainly be the set of the night. The sheer euphoria you feel is exceptional. And then at the end, breathless, skin tingling and with a grin on your face from ear to ear, you feel as though every drop of energy has been sucked right out of you, just like those few moments after one of the best orgasms of your life.

Accompanying Terpit to a gig is quite an experience. He is literally mobbed upon his arrival and departure from each gig, with fans eager to speak to their idol, or have their photograph taken with him. Mobile phone-cum-digital cameras are designed for such occasions as his devotees put one arm around him and pose with their hero as the other arm acts as a remote-controlled tri-pod for the self-portrait.

Fortunately, Terpit’s driver doubles up as proficient photographer for those not quite so adept at taking their own photos. Terpit is always more than happy to oblige, which on one hand is good for the clubbers, but on the other a logistical nightmare for his driver when trying to get Terpit from club entrance to DJ decks for his set, then back again in a timely manner. And for the time he is performing, the space right in front of the DJ decks is hotly contested floor space.

Terpit is the standard that so many more strive for. There are a plethora of CD compilations that he has mixed but listening to one of these is like trying to view a fine piece of art in a darkened room. You need to see him live to really appreciate the full and overwhelming experience that is The Saviour of Hard-Dance.

You can generally tell if a hard-house event is going to be credible and worth the money if you see Terpit’s name heading the DJ line-up. It’s almost like seeing a quality assurance seal, royal crest or five star rating.

[Doctor_Dave]