jokes

skavoovie_blind9 · Post by **skavoovie_blind9** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:52 am

Did you hear about that Irish bloke who tried to blow up a car?

He burnt his lips on the exaughst

gravious · Post by **gravious** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:01 am

Old but classic...

Q: What do fish say when they swim into a wall?

A: Dam!

gravious · Post by **gravious** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:06 am

Whats long, hard and full of seamen?

metalboxproducts · Post by **metalboxproducts** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:12 am

pk- wrote:paedophilia's great isn't it

skavoovie_blind9 · Post by **skavoovie_blind9** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:42 pm

Paul Mccartny bought his wife a fake leg for christmas.
When he gave it to her he said:
"Don't worry love it's not your main present, it's just a stocking filler"

Bud um tussssshhhhhhhh

Jubz · Post by **Jubz** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:49 pm

Shonky wrote:
No, rape's naughty.

That depends on who the consenting parties are.

shonky · Post by **shonky** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:19 pm

Jubscarz wrote:
Shonky wrote:
No, rape's naughty.
That depends on who the consenting parties are.

Hmmmm

skrapes · Post by **skrapes** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:38 pm

A South African gold miner was injured at work and had to have his right leg amputated.

After the operation he was talking to a fellow miner and said: "I suppose I'm proper screwed now. Who would ever want a one legged gold digger?"

His mate replied: "Well, you could try Paul McCartney."

moencehaan0 · Post by **moencehaan0** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 9:40 am

http://allashleyjudd.info

nikodemon · Post by **nikodemon** » Sat Oct 28, 2006 9:34 am

maybe its not brand new but made me laugh:
http://img262.imageshack.us/img262/9209 ... 403hp1.jpg

oddfellow · Post by **oddfellow** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:10 pm

Whats blue and fucks old people?

Me in a big blue suit...

panty inspector · Post by **panty inspector** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:18 pm

What's the difference between training a dog and training a wife?

You can't see the bruises on a dog.

------------------------------------------

When I was a kid I was very ill in hospital and Gary Glitter came to visit me.

I was touched.

------------------------------------------

Hurricane Gustav is about to hit Jamaica, lets see if Usain Bolt can outrun this fucker.

-----------------------------------------

After constant critisism of his wife David Beckham has sprung to her defence.

"She's worth her weight in gold." he is quoted as saying.

So that'll be Â£4.36 then David.

-----------------------------------------

I was checking into a hotel the other week. At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."

Unbelievable what some people are into.

jackieboi · Post by **jackieboi** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:18 pm

pk- wrote:Little girl walks in on her dad having a bath, points at his knob and says

"Daddy, when do I get one of them?"

Daddy replies

"Soon as your mother goes to bingo"

fucking love it.

jackieboi · Post by **jackieboi** » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:19 pm

I stopped a girl from being raped last night:-|

Stayed in....

umkhontowesizwe · Post by **umkhontowesizwe** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 12:12 am

in a recent survey spanish tourists were asked where they like to stay when on holiday. 90% said they preferred to just crash at the airport.

faust.dtc · Post by **faust.dtc** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 6:20 pm

Q. What do you get after 5 days of masturbation?

A. A weakend

psyolopher · Post by **psyolopher** » Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:50 pm

FAUST.DTC wrote:Q. What do you get after 5 days of masturbation?

A. A weakend

Haha good one!

Question:
What do you say to a women with two blackeyes?

Answer:
Nothing, you've already told her twice!

faust.dtc · Post by **faust.dtc** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:03 pm

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I dont have a porshe in my garage.

What's so good about fucking twenty four year olds?
There's twenty of them

Whats the difference between MJ and aplastic bag?
They're both plastic, white, and dangerous to little children.

Why is a picture of Jesus better than the real thing?
It only takes 1 nail to hold up the picture.

What did one pedophile say to the other?
I'll give you 2 fives for a ten.

slim · Post by **slim** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 1:12 pm

When i told someone i didn't drink, they responded with this brilliant slice of truth:

"non alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister, it might taste the same, but you know it's wrong"

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