jokes you remember from being a kid

triky · Post by **triky** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 2:45 pm

where do pirates go after work?

to the baaaarrrrrgh!

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 3:44 pm

A dyslexic man walks in to a bra

B_90 · Post by **B_90** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 3:58 pm

triky wrote:where do pirates go after work?

to the baaaarrrrrgh!

What do you call a friendly pirate with no arms?

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMLEEEEESSSSS

faust.dtc · Post by **faust.dtc** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:04 pm

Gnome wrote:A dyslexic man walks in to a bra

Made me dribble my coke...thanks for that...

I cant really remember any jokes as a kid but i do remember it being funny asking people if they 'lickadickaday'...oh the humour.

gnome · Post by **gnome** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:11 pm

Haha no problem.

A young boy was standing on a path eating sweets when a lady approached him

"eating too many sweets is bad for your health"

"My Grandad lived until he was 94" replied the boy

"Did he eat a lot of sweets?"

"Naw he minded his own fucking business"

Ok I didn't hear that joke when i was a kid but it the only one I remeber that won't offend anybody

faust.dtc · Post by **faust.dtc** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:19 pm

Gnome wrote:Haha no problem.

A young boy was standing on a path eating sweets when a lady approached him

"eating too many sweets is bad for your health"

"My Grandad lived until he was 94" replied the boy

"Did he eat a lot of sweets?"

"Naw he minded his own fucking business"

Ok I didn't hear that joke when i was a kid but it the only one I remeber that won't offend anybody

Again, top jokes...

bright maroon · Post by **bright maroon** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:21 pm

bear taking a poop in the woods...
rabbit comes up next to him and squats to also have a poo..
bear looks at rabbit and says "That mess up your fur?"
rabbits say "Nah man, it's fine"
bear picks up rabbit and wipes his ass with him..

bright maroon · Post by **bright maroon** » Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:37 pm

triky · Post by **triky** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:39 am

B-90 wrote:
triky wrote:where do pirates go after work?

to the baaaarrrrrgh!

What do you call a friendly pirate with no arms?

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMLEEEEESSSSS

how does the pirate get to the bar?

IN A CAAARRRRRRRRR

alfie · Post by **alfie** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:10 am

'you've dropped your gay card' was always a classic

and asking someone if they've ever been caught smelling their mum's knickers......standard reply 'nah of course not'.......'well you must be pretty good at it then'

magma · Post by **magma** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:29 am

Do you know your ABC?

Yes.

What, you're A BUM CLEANER?

How do you spell hiv?

HIV

Are you positive?

*cue hilarity*

Dead Rats · Post by **Dead Rats** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:33 am

Me: GAYMENSAYWHAT!

Them:......what?

How do you confuse a gay man?

24.

mugger t · Post by **mugger t** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 4:34 pm

What do you get if you cross a dyslexic man, an insomniac and an agnostic.

A man who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Why did the condom fly over the wall?

It got pissed off

aspect-dubz · Post by **aspect-dubz** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:23 pm

'what did the cock say to the condom?'

"COVER ME IM GOING IN!!"

bright maroon · Post by **bright maroon** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:34 pm

back in medieval times..there was a king and he was about to go on a year long war campaign and he didn't want anyone messing with his lady - so he went to his magicaian jack of all trades dude and had him create a chastity belt - this chastity belt was a new style as it had a large hole right where it should be covering stuff up - but the magician guy takes a stick and puts it through the hole and a miniature guillitine blade appears like and snaps the twig in half...

Kings like alright then and prepares to leave and tells his best mate - head of the castle guards that it is his primary duty to look after the queen and to report on any shady activities that may occur and then he leaves...

A year later he returns to the castle and summons the head of the guards to ask how things were with the queen and the guard just stands there in silence.

Pada · Post by **Pada** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:36 pm

bright maroon wrote:back in medieval times..there was a king and he was about to go on a year long war campaign and he didn't want anyone messing with his lady - so he went to his magicaian jack of all trades dude and had him create a chastity belt - this chastity belt was a new style as it had a large hole right where it should be covering stuff up - but the magician guy takes a stick and puts it through the hole and a miniature guillitine blade appears like and snaps the twig in half...

Kings like alright then and prepares to leave and tells his best mate - head of the castle guards that it is his primary duty to look after the queen and to report on any shady activities that may occur and then he leaves...

A year later he returns to the castle and summons the head of the guards to ask how things were with the queen and the guard just stands there in silence.

Worst. Punchline. Ever.

lowpass · Post by **lowpass** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:36 pm

3 kids named "shit" "fuck off" & "manners"

They go to the playground, shit and manners go on the slide but shit falls and hurts himself so manners goes to help him up.

Fuck off is walking passed a policeman, and being the gentlemen he is ask's who the kid is. He replies with a "fuck off". Startled the policeman asks "my my child where are your manners"

"Round the corner picking up shit"

First joke I can remember, it's also not that funny when you get over the novelty of "bad" words

pato banton · Post by **pato banton** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 8:47 pm

Maroon that last joke had pure potential, but you fucked it. You built me up, then let me down big time. I demand you make up for your error with something better.

The bear/rabbit joke was class.

__________ · Post by **__________** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:36 pm

pato banton wrote:Maroon that last joke had pure potential, but you fucked it. You built me up, then let me down big time. I demand you make up for your error with something better.

The bear/rabbit joke was class.

are you the real Pato Banton? as in Mad Professor & Pato Banton?

if so,

maximum respect sir

mugger t · Post by **mugger t** » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:37 pm

Lowpass wrote:3 kids named "shit" "fuck off" & "manners"

They go to the playground, shit and manners go on the slide but shit falls and hurts himself so manners goes to help him up.

Fuck off is walking passed a policeman, and being the gentlemen he is ask's who the kid is. He replies with a "fuck off". Startled the policeman asks "my my child where are your manners"

"Round the corner picking up shit"

First joke I can remember, it's also not that funny when you get over the novelty of "bad" words

Haha, I remember that, I could never remember it fully to tell other people though

jokes you remember from being a kid

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