Firky wrote:jackieboi wrote:How a BLT should really be made:
3 slices of Toast, 2 of which are lightly spread with mayonnaise, the other one is covered on both sides with a mixture of brown sauce, a tiny bit of ketchup and a tiny bit of tabasco/reggae reggae sauce/encona etc.
Depending on your bacon, enough to cover BOTH sides of the brown sauced slice of toast generously, not too much though or you will have what is known as "too much bacon". Theres this lovely stuff you get in a yellow pack, think its 'Tulip' that make it, its pure creamy as fuck and tastes amazing! I like mine cooked so its still quite soft and chewy but everyone has their own preference.
Salad - Lettuce, Rocket, Red onion, Peppers, Cherry tomatos (halved), tiny little bit of watercress if theres some available.
Put a bit of salad on one of the mayonnaised slices of toast, put some pepper over it too, then put half your bacon on top of the salad. On top of the bacon put your slice of toast thats got brown sauce etc on it then follow the process - salad, pepper, bacon, 3rd slice of toast.
By now you will have a pretty beasting sandwich, i normally push down on it to flatten it out so it doesnt fall apart when i cut it - into two triangles of course.
You now have the best BLT you will ever have had in your life, wash it down with a cup of tea then go have yourself a meaty fucking wank while thinking about how good your sandwich was.
You middle class ponce
Just kidding
However my variation on this classic is as follows:
1 Arrive home pissed as fuck or stoned out of your trumpet.
2 Stagger into the kitchen and make way to fridge.
3 Stand at fridge for several minutes looking gormless, scratching testicles as you peer into said fridge.
4 Close fridge and stagger over to cupboard.
5 Stare into the cupboard for a while and shift a few tins of lentils that you will never eat before closing cupboard door.
6 Make way back to the fridge and repeat step 3.
7 After several minutes take out the bacon that has no useby date on it and give it a bit of a sniff and a poke. Tell yourself it is fit for eating and put it to one side.
8 Look in the breadbin for bread. Realise there's only one slice left and the end crust. All of which is stale.
9 Deciede you will toast so you won't notice it is stale.
10 Place bacon and place under the grill
11 Forget you were going to toast the bread and begin buttering
12 The butter is hard as nails and tears the bread into bready lumps
13 Squish breadback together and squirt on some brownsauce
14 Remove pint glass from cupboard, fill with water and drink in one go
15 Go for a piss
16 Sway around and piss all over the toilet and think you'll clean it up in the morning
17 Make a half arsed attempt at washing your hands and drying them on your jeans
18 Go and check on bacon and turn it over if needs be
19 Turn on TV and Xbox, playstation,.
20 Realise ten minutes later that the smoke alarm is going off, you have woken up your flatmate (for the third night this week), run into kitchen to rescue bacon. Remove bacon from grill whilst burning your fingers.
21 Run around looking for a tea towel.
22 Stand on chair and waft tea towel at smoke alarm
23 Return to bacon that now resembles coal. Place it in the bin, followed by the stale bready buttery tomato sauce shapes you prepared earlier
24 Return to the cupboard and peer in once more
25 Remove Ambrosia Rice Pudding
26 Open tin
27 Eat from tin whilst playing on the games console of your choice, making sure to get rice pudding all over the joypad and your chin.
28 Wipe chin and hands on cushion
29 Roll 'one more' spliff
30 Fall asleep on the sofa
31 Wake in the morning to an angry house mate
32 Adopt the 'what?' expression before muttering "bitch" underyour breath and returning to bed with a pint of water
