Whats the most disgusting thing thats ever happened to you?

[JTMMusicuk]

i was at a party and someone passed me a can of dr pepper while i was bunning a zoot, i thought it was for my cotton mouth...apparently it was an ashtray....nobody saw me swig it though so i swallowed my mouthfull and went on with my day..

You sound like the type of guy who can chew a mouthful of bees.

I cant believe it has nearly been a year since I read this. Epic thread.

haha nah im working up to that level

[herbs]

i dream piss sometimes too.... always catch myself partway through which is almost worse

HOW DID I MISS THIS GEM??

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[Samuel_L_Damnson]

This thread is grim. I dont have much to share besides from waking up one morning to find I had been sick ALL OVER my carpet and mostly on my laptop (which was closed) and midi keyboard (which was on the floor for some reason). It wasn't normal either it was like viscous puke
Cleaning that mess up with a hang over pissed me right off. Also has to buy a new keyboard

[JBoy]

Ive dream poo'd before, that wasnt a pleasant experience rolling around in ones own feces.

[dubstepper]

Ive dream poo'd before, that wasnt a pleasant experience rolling around in ones own feces.

Fuck that is so grim, reminded me of trainspotting when the guy shits the bed at some birds house then goes for breakfast
with the fam as you do. Only for the obvious to happen and his shit end up spread over every1 at the table.

[syrup]

This thread

I have nothing aside from throwing up in the hallway of our block of flats once

[BNanni]

When I was about 16 I used to put all my cigarette ends in a plastic bottle, and kept it hidden in my room. Rather parched one afternoon I drank out of the bottle closest to me and it was the plastic bottle, after two seconds and realizing my coca cola shouldn't have texture I threw up all over myself.

Bit of a long story this one:
At work one morning and doing the usual getting patients washed and sat up etc. Before going to this next patient the nurse warns me that she isn't a nice person, I shrug it off thinking it can't be that bad.
We get in there and I introduce myself and ask if I would be ok to start giving her a bed bath. She agrees and I start doing my job. I start by washing her face and she stops me, 'no soap on my face'. So I wash her face without soap and carry on washing the rest of her with. About to wash her nether regions she puts her hand up, 'Stop', and promptly pisses the bed right in front of me. When she finished she just turned to me and said 'carry on', with a fucking smug look on her face. After managing to get the look of horror off my face I go to start washing, again she stops me and tells me 'no soap'. I turned around and very nearly cried. I fucking washed her with soap though, dirty cow

[JBoy]

My sisters a cadet nurse and she said shes had shit thrown at her numerous times, she got assaulted once aswell. Some creature smashed a mug over her forehead. I do not envy nurses and healthcare assistants, unsung hero's.

[BNanni]

Bloody hell a mug? That's awful, I hope security got involved? Been assaulted once myself, it's scary stuff.

[sirjonnyp]

Thought this thread had been deleted, looking forward to reading <edit> again </edit> it tomorrow

[laurent__duval]

got my hand pretty smashed up in a car crash when i was younger. one of the things was my thumb nail got ripped to shreds. anyway, had it all bandaged up but it was killing, felt like it was swollen, throbbing and about to explode from pressure. so late one night when my cocodemol had run out i undid the bandage and tried to figure out how to relieve the pressure. the nail was totally fucked and stuck down with what i can only describe as plama discharge, which smelt AWFUL. so i piggled it and took a bit of the nail off. as soon as the plasma seal was broken a large quantity of said plasma squirted, almost like a cum shot, out of the whole. the relief was instant, but the smell, oh god the smell, was awful.

bandaged it back up and went about my business.

[JBoy]

got my hand pretty smashed up in a car crash when i was younger. one of the things was my thumb nail got ripped to shreds. anyway, had it all bandaged up but it was killing, felt like it was swollen, throbbing and about to explode from pressure. so late one night when my cocodemol had run out i undid the bandage and tried to figure out how to relieve the pressure. the nail was totally fucked and stuck down with what i can only describe as plama discharge, which smelt AWFUL. so i piggled it and took a bit of the nail off. as soon as the plasma seal was broken a large quantity of said plasma squirted, almost like a cum shot, out of the whole. the relief was instant, but the smell, oh god the smell, was awful.

bandaged it back up and went about my business.

Sounds satisfying mate! I used to get really bad blisters under my toenails so the only way to relieve the pressure was to stick a pin under the nail itself and squeeze all the bloody mass of nastiness out.

[zerbaman]

I went to a stripclub went I was 18 and I refused to tip this stripper so she came over and told me to stand up, so I did. Then she hung from the rafters on the ceiling and grinded her pussy in my face. The only thing separating my face from her genitals was a little g-string. The disgusting part is that strippers aren't the cleanest women in the world.

What? That's quality, you clearly don't have the right mentality to go to a strip club.

Well if she chose to use her vagina as a method of punishment, you can only assume she was one vaginally filthy bitch.

[TooMuch]

This thread is so hard to read in the silent areas of the uni library. Im fucking creasing at some of these stories.

Anyway something so fucking grim happened to me the other night. I had a box of eggs in my uni room and one was left. Two girls came over one night and for some reason started drawing on it, making it look like Mr. Potatoe-egg. All googly eyes and moustaches and shit. Anyways i left it there for time not thinking. This must have been at the start of uni so were talking 7/8 months? Anyway the other night im sat eating my meal id just spent about an hour making. Some peng curry, rice, chips and naan. you know how it is..

Well all of a sudden that fucking egg on my shelf for some ungodly reason (fuck knows why it actually did this) exploded. The shit inside was bright green and smelt so fucking vile. It went all over my fucking meal and my face. Imagine me sat there loving this meal, fork to my mouth, mouth open and then thee most rotten shit ending up everywhere and in my mouth.

It took me a minute to register what the fuck just happened. Dropped the fucking plate, gipped all over the place and legged it to the bathroom. Washed my mouth out with like a whole bottle of listernie and had a shower. It was dizguztin! Came back to my room and it smelt ungodly. Used a full can of oust to try and get rid of the smell...



On a side note, there was a rumour/story of a girl at school who is actually well fit who got bummed once off her boyfriend, he pulled out too quick, she shat on him and he spewed on her. Oh the awkwardness if that is actually true.

[syrup]

That egg is badass

Edit: what's that black thing?

[TooMuch]

im guessing the moustache stuck onto the egg

[lloydy]

My mum and dad went on holiday when i was 15,they left me,my 17 and 18 year old bro and sis to look after me.I invited my mates round to watch some films and have a smoke.
The day before i drunkenly offered this wheelchair bound guy with 1 leg who use to hang around our local shops the opportunity of coming round to hang with us which he duly obliged.
Regrettably he turned up after drinking about 17 pints of special brew so he was a dribbling mess.
Anyway after about 15 mins he asked to borrow the toilet which you wouldn't think would be a problem for a one legged man as he should theoretically have had to tackle this before(maybe not that wasted)so i said yeah.30 Mins passed and one of my mates said shouldn't you really check on him so i shouted up the stairs and he said he was taking a dump so i left him to it.Another 30 mins past and now i was starting to wonder what the fuck was happening so i walked upstairs and knocked on the door.
At this point us was unaware of what i was about to incounter so to be honest i was probably a little unprepared for when the door opened.I knocked and asked if he was ok and he said yep i'm just finished and the door swung open.
The first thing that hit me was the smell,it was probably the smelliest turd that had ever been dropped in my mums house,it instantly engulfed the entire upstairs of the house.
He scooted along the floor and then descended down the stairs and this is when i see it,the only thing i can think of is he must have fallen of the toilet mid shit or something because there was a turd flattened on the lino flooring to the point it looked like a chocolate pancake.Also he must have tried cleaning it up because he had spread this shit onto every wall in the toilet and it was fucking everywhere.
At this point my friend came up to see what had gone on and nearly fell over laughing,being young and never had to tackle a shit before over than wiping my own hole i decided i would put on some shitty clothes and then set about cleaning.I decided the best way to get up the pancaked turd would be to use a dust pan and brush which i want to say was not the best idea as when i went to brush it on the pan i flicked some of the juice up all over the top i was wearing and this was too much.
Anyway once i got it cleaned,opened every window in the house and used up 3 cans of air freshener i got washed and changed and went down stairs.All my mates and the shitter were sat in the garden so i joined then.This guy was fucking covered in it and just sat there like it was the done thing,i remember him sitting there smoking a cigarette he got about half the way down it and offered it out to anyone else,he had a bit of shit on the end of his finger and you have never seen a bunch of teenagers pull out their own cigarettes so quick.
Honestly was the most disgusting thing i have ever witnessed,my bro and sis were not impressed when they come home with all their mates and the house smelt like a sewers.

[teamhobson]

i was at a party and someone passed me a can of dr pepper while i was bunning a zoot, i thought it was for my cotton mouth...apparently it was an ashtray....nobody saw me swig it though so i swallowed my mouthfull and went on with my day..

This happened to me once.

Folks were on holiday for a month and a half (some midlife crisis trip round the world for their 50ths) so i bought an O because i had the house to myself for ages.
Soon as they go away, i'm out the back with a joint and use the can of iron bru im half finished as the ashtray, 2 weeks later im out the back with another joint and a can of iron bru... You can see where this is going...
Baked as fuck and with a mouth like death valley i take a massive drink of my bru, only to end up with 2 weeks worth of joint ends and ash in my mouth
Half way through swallowing i realise what i've done, spew on my patio and ran into the house to wash my mouth out, half a tube of tooth paste later i was all good.

Paranoid as fuck when there is an ashy can getting passed about now. Youre a trooper for not even caring JTM, took me an hour to blaze that joint again cause it reminded me of what had happened

[finji]

fucking hell that is properly grim lloydy

[pikeymobile]

i once shat myself
in the kitchen
whilst wearing nothing but a dressing gown
it had the consistency of yoghurt and shot out at high velocity