Tila Tequila: I Love Hitler!

[alphacat]

Obvious fruitbat is obvious.

Tila Tequila’s descent into conspiracy-theory madness

This is not a joke piece. The story below is real. — Ed.Is the following a quote from Left Behind or blog of a reality star from the mid 2000s?This is a message to all the people of Jerusalem. I am the reincarnation of Melchizedek. Have been a lie to your own people and used a great many masquerading as a human led humanity to the world very dark and ugly. If you really believe that then you must believe me a message to all of you. I roll the real bodies of Melchizedek.If you guessed a blog, you win! And bonus points if you guessed it was translated from Hebrew (I had to use Google Translate) from a post by Tila Tequila. This October, the former reality star has refocused her brand online as a “Freedom Fighter” against the Illuminati, Moon People, mind controlling frequencies, and a possible upcoming apocalypse.

Lolwut? While conspiracy theorists are nothing new, the road that has led this particular personality here is as weird as the stories featured in Hollywood Babylon.



If you already know all about Tila Tequila, skip to here.For the uninitiated, very young, or very old, Tila Tequila is a celebrity who initially rose to fame via modeling for various men’s magazines such as Maxim andPenthouse. She used Myspace to attract attention and gain her own following. This internet popularity made her celebrity a novelty in the early 2000s and soon led to small television appearances, including a job hosting FUSE network’s Pants-Off Dance-Off (full disclosure: I appeared on this show and won $500), while the primary host Jodi Sweetin was on hiatus recovering from meth addiction.By 2006 she had become the most popular “artist” on MySpace (judging by pageviews), and landed her own dating reality series on VH1 in 2007, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, where she performed as a bisexual nympho courting both men and women for a chance to be her serious lover. While she was unable to portray a character range far outside of “robotic sex-crazed mogwai begging to be fed after midnight,” she had achieved something magical as someone who built an empire on glitter graphics and “thanks for the add” wall messages propelled to the ranks of legitimate television celebrity. In 2007, a time before the practice of plucking attention-seeking weirdos from obscurity became VH1′s modus operandi, that was enough to capture decent ratings for at least one season.Somewhere in here, Tila Tequila had a music career, but I don’t think a single person has ever paid attention to that or even knows what her music sounds like.Here’s where things start to get weird and #dark.After a failed second season, A Shot at Love is cancelled and Tila fades into obscurity. But because she lives in LA, this means her personal life gets really weird. In 2009 she claims her boyfriend choked her, but the DA decides not to press charges after reviewing the reports. A couple months later, she announces an engagement to a millionaire heiress, a type 1 diabetic who is soon found dead from natural causes related to her condition, a result most likely, from a failure to take her medication. In 2011 a sex tape is released depicting Tila in a threesome, a video she claims was made for personal use and distributed without her consent.

gives an exclusive to Us Weekly and spouts all sorts of post-12-step-program jargon about God and staying sober.

With new press exposure putting her back in the public eye, she relaunches her web site as a blog this last fall, misstilaomg.com, and creates her first post on October 15, a post about chemtrails, crystalline mind controlling pollutants in the air and embeds a video by a YouTube user whose profile describes a devout belief in the existence of Archons, electromagnetic mind-controlling crystalline parasites.Her posts continue today, looking more and more like something from Robert Anton Wilson’s satirical Illuminatus! Trilogy, with claims of people that live on the moon, actual Illuminati agents seeking to silence her voice in the media, and reincarnated biblical figures, with apocalyptic overtones throughout. All she’s missing is a cracked-out analysis of the number 23 and its demonic numerological significance throughout history.Of course this is hilarious because “wut?”. But I am not a sociopath, and the guilt does kick in, with her whole situation ranking about a 7 out of 10 for me on the you-should-feel-bad-for-laughing-at-this scale. The moon-people narrative sounds like it’s from someone abusing amphetamines to try and complete all of Final Fantasy 4 in one sitting, not to mention that it’s medically documented that aneurisms can cause brain damage. However, plenty of celebrities entangle themselves in conspiracy theories, which they use to justify their fall from the public eye (see Corey Feldman’s Truth Movement for reference).Decide for yourself if the woman is legitimately mentally ill or a basketcase out of her own free will. Buzzfeed has Tila’s entire rant interspersed with GIFs from her career, and you can watch a video of her explaining her ideas on the origins of mankind below (if you can actually sit through the entirety, I am impressed, skip to around 2:30 to get the core of it):



If the world truly does end after 2012, I nominate Tila Tequila as the my first suspected Horseman of the Apocalypse.

[Shum]

I should not have watched that video. Looks to be scraping the bottom of the barrel so hard that's she now digging a hole in the ground below.

[syrup]

[alphacat]

nice!

@Shum: yeah, I think we're watching a long, slow meltdown into mental illness or something. The only reason anyone probably cares is because she looks like a living hentai character.

[deadly_habit]

[wolf89]

Who the hell is Tila Tequila?

[Phigure]

oh man alpha, this is amazing.

then again, she's clearly mentally ill and needs help

Who the hell is Tila Tequila?

some random chick on myspace who ended up getting the highest number of friends (besides tom i guess). she became a celebrity in america for that.

also, didnt she get attacked by juggalos?

[deadly_habit]

forget tila alien girl i have grey aliens in my tits tequila

korean justin timberlake from korean n sync with SWAG
it's sonika and phigure in korean form

[flyingointment]

she wot m8

[kidshuffle]

cocaine is a hell of a drug

[skunktech]

hahha I remember reading about this stupid bitch ages ago.

no wonder she gone bonkers. thanks for the thread OP made me cringe/laugh hard looking at those videos

[Phigure]

it's sonika and phigure in korean form

[deadly_habit]

it's sonika and phigure in korean form

the brostep wars in korean pop form

[LACE]

forget tila alien girl i have grey aliens in my tits tequila

korean justin timberlake from korean n sync with SWAG
it's sonika and phigure in korean form

i was really hating on this guy,frothing with rage about this track, this music, this look, why he's wearing so much makeup etc until he asked..''why so serious?'' it really got me thinking..

you know what g dragon..i don't know why i'm so serious. i really don't know..
carry on g dragon.. carry on...

[fractal]

^ good life lesson there

[wub]

Hey, a celebrity sex tape I haven't seen

[dubfordessert]

"Decide for yourself if the woman is legitimately mentally ill or a basketcase out of her own free will."

wow, really? guess we're all psychiatrists now. enjoy the belly laugh, not like anyone suffers irl out of trivialising and mocking people with mental illness.

[knell]

"Decide for yourself if the woman is legitimately mentally ill or a basketcase out of her own free will."

wow, really? guess we're all psychiatrists now. enjoy the belly laugh, not like anyone suffers irl out of trivialising and mocking people with mental illness.

we're talking about slacktory.com's journalism here, they also started a paragraph with "Lolwut?"

[dubfordessert]

"Decide for yourself if the woman is legitimately mentally ill or a basketcase out of her own free will."

wow, really? guess we're all psychiatrists now. enjoy the belly laugh, not like anyone suffers irl out of trivialising and mocking people with mental illness.

we're talking about slacktory.com's journalism here, they also started a paragraph with "Lolwut?"

idk, i'm just not sure what people find funny about it. i guess on a level it's not much different from me laughing at donald trump's twitter feed though tbf

[finji]

she speaks in such broken english, she seems semi-retarded.


still would tho