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this kinda lament belongs in the sex thread, yeah?

people suck in general. thats what makes finding special people a true gift. because the majority of people aren't that way.

as many time as I've complained about men....i have lots of male friends who complain about women...and behavior that i used to think only men did, i am finding that women do too.

women will use men the same way men use women. its when the individuals in the couple stop thinking, "What do I have to do/say to get what I want?" and switch to, "What can I do/say to make the other person happy?" that there's a shift.

Love is selfless. For me, thats a watermark I look for.

Von wrote:Amy's on some cockblock flex.

he....he...........hehehhehheheheheheehheheheh

STOP ALREADY!!!



...edited like fifty bazillion times...

bellybelle wrote:
people suck in general. thats what makes finding special people a true gift. because the majority of people aren't that way.

this!

kamala wrote:

Gena wrote:

kins83 wrote:

Gena wrote:Seems like I might have found someone, I'm gonna see him tomorrow and this weekend. Think I'll know more after that... oh sigh...

*starts to daydream*

Lucky guy. If I remember your post in the 'what do you look like' thread correctly, anyway.

Aaaw, thanks . So far he's being nothing but sweet to me... teehee

don't put out. srsly.

Believe me, the last guy I dated, fuckin dickhead (hi Scott!!), left me really suspicious... so I'm not putting out til things are serious, IF things get serious.

Gena wrote:(hi Scott!!)

dr ddd wrote:

bellybelle wrote:
people suck in general. thats what makes finding special people a true gift. because the majority of people aren't that way.

this!

That's very pessimistic...Everyone has good in them, sometimes you just have to look a little harder. Unfortunately a lot of time people can't be bothered or don't have time to find it.

Never heard of it

Donkey wrote:That's very pessimistic...Everyone has good in them, sometimes you just have to look a little harder. Unfortunately a lot of time people can't be bothered or don't have time to find it.

No it isn't pessimistic. Its very realistic. I spent all my life looking for the likklest bit of good in people. SOME PEOPLE ARE NOT GOOD!!! I'm sorry but its truth. There are people who find joy and comfort in making other people's lives hell. There are people who are so selfish that they can't see past themselves. And these people are not uncommon.

I'm not saying everyone is bad but by the same token, I'm not gonna lie to myself either and say the flip. There are enough people out there who don't give a flying twig about anyone else but themselves for me to know different, and the goodness seen is only witnessed when it comes with getting something they already wanted.

Again...thats a personal thing. Not everyone is good for you. Thats what makes it special. When you meet someone not just good but good for you, its stellar.

Don't waste time on people who aren't good for you. You can't make a square peg fit in a round hole and all you'll wind up doing is being angry, hurt, bitter, and whatever because you were less selective and more impatient. Take some time to know who you are. When you know who you are, date people selectively who would fit. And if some time passes when you're alone, at least you are not dealing with crap. Trust. Being by yourself is always better than being in a bad relationship. Always.

bellybelle wrote:

Donkey wrote:That's very pessimistic...Everyone has good in them, sometimes you just have to look a little harder. Unfortunately a lot of time people can't be bothered or don't have time to find it.

No it isn't pessimistic. Its very realistic. I spent all my life looking for the likklest bit of good in people. SOME PEOPLE ARE NOT GOOD!!! I'm sorry but its truth. There are people who find joy and comfort in making other people's lives hell. There are people who are so selfish that they can't see past themselves. And these people are not uncommon.

I'm not saying everyone is bad but by the same token, I'm not gonna lie to myself either and say the flip. There are enough people out there who don't give a flying twig about anyone else but themselves for me to know different, and the goodness seen is only witnessed when it comes with getting something they already wanted.

Again...thats a personal thing. Not everyone is good for you. Thats what makes it special. When you meet someone not just good but good for you, its stellar.

Don't waste time on people who aren't good for you. You can't make a square peg fit in a round hole and all you'll wind up doing is being angry, hurt, bitter, and whatever because you were less selective and more impatient. Take some time to know who you are. When you know who you are, date people selectively who would fit. And if some time passes when you're alone, at least you are not dealing with crap. Trust. Being by yourself is always better than being in a bad relationship. Always.

we are all one people part of the same system so therefore if you're not a prt of the solution you're a part of the problem...& saying some people are bad isnt helping id say..

dont get me wrong though i do the same thing but i wish i could be different

Piston wrote:

bellybelle wrote:

Donkey wrote:That's very pessimistic...Everyone has good in them, sometimes you just have to look a little harder. Unfortunately a lot of time people can't be bothered or don't have time to find it.

No it isn't pessimistic. Its very realistic. I spent all my life looking for the likklest bit of good in people. SOME PEOPLE ARE NOT GOOD!!! I'm sorry but its truth. There are people who find joy and comfort in making other people's lives hell. There are people who are so selfish that they can't see past themselves. And these people are not uncommon.

I'm not saying everyone is bad but by the same token, I'm not gonna lie to myself either and say the flip. There are enough people out there who don't give a flying twig about anyone else but themselves for me to know different, and the goodness seen is only witnessed when it comes with getting something they already wanted.

Again...thats a personal thing. Not everyone is good for you. Thats what makes it special. When you meet someone not just good but good for you, its stellar.

Don't waste time on people who aren't good for you. You can't make a square peg fit in a round hole and all you'll wind up doing is being angry, hurt, bitter, and whatever because you were less selective and more impatient. Take some time to know who you are. When you know who you are, date people selectively who would fit. And if some time passes when you're alone, at least you are not dealing with crap. Trust. Being by yourself is always better than being in a bad relationship. Always.

we are all one people part of the same system so therefore if you're not a prt of the solution you're a part of the problem...& saying some people are bad isnt helping id say..

dont get me wrong though i do the same thing but i wish i could be different

Acknowledging the problem actually deals with it. You sweep it under the rug and then find yourself disillusioned and using your disillusionment as a rule by which to behave around other people when, if you just took the time to be a bit more discerning, you could have avoided that whole thing.

I mean, I'm sure Eva Braun thought Hitler was a good enough guy....but....he wasn't. Feel me? And ignoring that there are people like that out there only helps them do their evil deeds.

Like....an alcoholic and their enablers....yeah?

..


Wow.

I still don't really get what you mean...very often the best relationships are those in which the partner is very different from yourself and you 'balance'. Very often when you first meet them, you clash.

A lot of my friends are very different, but that what makes it interesting to chat, have a laugh with them.

I always try to keep an open mind, and even though there are some 'bad' people, the majority are normally the way they are for reasons if you spend the time to find out are understandable and sometimes reversible.

I am an optimist though.

bellybelle wrote:

Piston wrote:

bellybelle wrote:

Donkey wrote:That's very pessimistic...Everyone has good in them, sometimes you just have to look a little harder. Unfortunately a lot of time people can't be bothered or don't have time to find it.

No it isn't pessimistic. Its very realistic. I spent all my life looking for the likklest bit of good in people. SOME PEOPLE ARE NOT GOOD!!! I'm sorry but its truth. There are people who find joy and comfort in making other people's lives hell. There are people who are so selfish that they can't see past themselves. And these people are not uncommon.

I'm not saying everyone is bad but by the same token, I'm not gonna lie to myself either and say the flip. There are enough people out there who don't give a flying twig about anyone else but themselves for me to know different, and the goodness seen is only witnessed when it comes with getting something they already wanted.

Again...thats a personal thing. Not everyone is good for you. Thats what makes it special. When you meet someone not just good but good for you, its stellar.

Don't waste time on people who aren't good for you. You can't make a square peg fit in a round hole and all you'll wind up doing is being angry, hurt, bitter, and whatever because you were less selective and more impatient. Take some time to know who you are. When you know who you are, date people selectively who would fit. And if some time passes when you're alone, at least you are not dealing with crap. Trust. Being by yourself is always better than being in a bad relationship. Always.

we are all one people part of the same system so therefore if you're not a prt of the solution you're a part of the problem...& saying some people are bad isnt helping id say..

dont get me wrong though i do the same thing but i wish i could be different

Acknowledging the problem actually deals with it. You sweep it under the rug and then find yourself disillusioned and using your disillusionment as a rule by which to behave around other people when, if you just took the time to be a bit more discerning, you could have avoided that whole thing.

I mean, I'm sure Eva Braun thought Hitler was a good enough guy....but....he wasn't. Feel me? And ignoring that there are people like that out there only helps them do their evil deeds.

Like....an alcoholic and their enablers....yeah?

nah I'm not saying ignore the problem...

to follow ghandi's example 'be the change you want to see in the world'

i honestly find that most people I've not got on with in the past that i still see now respond much much better to unreserved consideration & warmth....theres a girl i used to fucking hate with a passion but now we never have a problem because i started just being nice to her...of course you will always get people that are impossible but they are few & far between in my experience & ultimately it's only your input to those around you you can effect directly & the rest is up to them

Donkey wrote:I still don't really get what you mean...very often the best relationships are those in which the partner is very different from yourself and you 'balance'. Very often when you first meet them, you clash.

A lot of my friends are very different, but that what makes it interesting to chat, have a laugh with them.

I always try to keep an open mind, and even though there are some 'bad' people, the majority are normally the way they are for reasons if you spend the time to find out are understandable and sometimes reversible.

I am an optimist though.

Difference and Bad are not synonymous. You can be different from someone and everything works like magic. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying Bad. I'm saying self-interested, mean-spirited, cruel, heartless people. There are people who live to cause drama. Men who lie and cheat and use women for sex. Women who lie and cheat and use men for money. These people exist. They are not mythical creatures. They are not fabled pegasus. These are real, legitimate people who's sole purpose is to be self-serving and malicious. And if you are keen on observation, and learn tells, so to speak, you can keep yourself from being corrupted by them. They exist. Either they are in some kind of transition or whathaveyou, but they do. And to sit around justifying their behavior to yourself....it doesn't stop them and it hurts you. Why would you do that to yourself?

Piston wrote:nah I'm not saying ignore the problem...

to follow ghandi's example 'be the change you want to see in the world'

i honestly find that most people I've not got on with in the past that i still see now respond much much better to unreserved consideration & warmth....theres a girl i used to fucking hate with a passion but now we never have a problem because i started just being nice to her...of course you will always get people that are impossible but they are few & far between in my experience & ultimately it's only your input to those around you you can effect directly & the rest is up to them

This has nothing to do with getting along with anyone. I can get along with almost anyone as a honed social skill. That has nothing to do with there being bad and good people. There are people I get along with who I know are mean and cruel. That has nothing to do with who they are. It has to do with what I allow my relationship with them to be.

Being nice doesn't always work. Being friendly doesn't always work. What does work, however, is understanding that this is your Universe. I can't change people. People are going to do whatever the hell they want, whether or not it makes me happy or not. What I can do is study the behavior, limit their contact, and not try to change them but work with who they are.

How many times have I heard a woman go on and on about a guy she loves no matter how much he cheats on her, never spends time with her, treats her like crap and humiliates her in front of his friends? What she should be doing is realizing that no matter how much she loves him, he's not going to change, and if she loves herself, why would she even want to be in that situation?

If you know who you are, you become very selective of the company you keep, because you love yourself enough to know whats good and whats bad for you. And if people are toxic, remove them and move on. Why would you keep a cancerous tumor in your life? Remove it and heal. Keeping the cancer around because its a part of you and inside you will only kill you.

Treat people accordingly. Stay open but watch for signs. If they act in a way that is harmful to you, don't overstay your welcome because you could be fucking yourself out of the next best thing because you are too jaded and can't see it. Likewise, if someone is kind, and loving, big ups and continue on, embracing them as the gifts they are.

Donkey wrote:

dr ddd wrote:

bellybelle wrote:
people suck in general. thats what makes finding special people a true gift. because the majority of people aren't that way.

this!

That's very pessimistic...Everyone has good in them, sometimes you just have to look a little harder. Unfortunately a lot of time people can't be bothered or don't have time to find it.

tbf i was quoting belle on the central sentence... that special people are a real gift.... if i'm honest with myself i generally always give people the benefit of the doubt and sometimes it has ended up biting me hard, sometimes not. That doesn't stop me from keep doing it, if being a bit more wary than i used to.

Maybe i wouldnt go quite so far as to say most people suck, but i would definitely say that there is nothing more awesome than when u get that real connection with one other person that just doesnt compare to anyone else on the planet. That is a true rarity and a gift.

bellybelle wrote:

Donkey wrote:I still don't really get what you mean...very often the best relationships are those in which the partner is very different from yourself and you 'balance'. Very often when you first meet them, you clash.

A lot of my friends are very different, but that what makes it interesting to chat, have a laugh with them.

I always try to keep an open mind, and even though there are some 'bad' people, the majority are normally the way they are for reasons if you spend the time to find out are understandable and sometimes reversible.

I am an optimist though.

Difference and Bad are not synonymous. You can be different from someone and everything works like magic. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying Bad. I'm saying self-interested, mean-spirited, cruel, heartless people. There are people who live to cause drama. Men who lie and cheat and use women for sex. Women who lie and cheat and use men for money. These people exist. They are not mythical creatures. They are not fabled pegasus. These are real, legitimate people who's sole purpose is to be self-serving and malicious. And if you are keen on observation, and learn tells, so to speak, you can keep yourself from being corrupted by them. They exist. Either they are in some kind of transition or whathaveyou, but they do. And to sit around justifying their behavior to yourself....it doesn't stop them and it hurts you. Why would you do that to yourself?

Piston wrote:nah I'm not saying ignore the problem...

to follow ghandi's example 'be the change you want to see in the world'

i honestly find that most people I've not got on with in the past that i still see now respond much much better to unreserved consideration & warmth....theres a girl i used to fucking hate with a passion but now we never have a problem because i started just being nice to her...of course you will always get people that are impossible but they are few & far between in my experience & ultimately it's only your input to those around you you can effect directly & the rest is up to them

This has nothing to do with getting along with anyone. I can get along with almost anyone as a honed social skill. That has nothing to do with there being bad and good people. There are people I get along with who I know are mean and cruel. That has nothing to do with who they are. It has to do with what I allow my relationship with them to be.

Being nice doesn't always work. Being friendly doesn't always work. What does work, however, is understanding that this is your Universe. I can't change people. People are going to do whatever the hell they want, whether or not it makes me happy or not. What I can do is study the behavior, limit their contact, and not try to change them but work with who they are.

How many times have I heard a woman go on and on about a guy she loves no matter how much he cheats on her, never spends time with her, treats her like crap and humiliates her in front of his friends? What she should be doing is realizing that no matter how much she loves him, he's not going to change, and if she loves herself, why would she even want to be in that situation?

If you know who you are, you become very selective of the company you keep, because you love yourself enough to know whats good and whats bad for you. And if people are toxic, remove them and move on. Why would you keep a cancerous tumor in your life? Remove it and heal. Keeping the cancer around because its a part of you and inside you will only kill you.

Treat people accordingly. Stay open but watch for signs. If they act in a way that is harmful to you, don't overstay your welcome because you could be fucking yourself out of the next best thing because you are too jaded and can't see it. Likewise, if someone is kind, and loving, big ups and continue on, embracing them as the gifts they are.

Wow.

Von wrote:

bellybelle wrote:

Donkey wrote:I still don't really get what you mean...very often the best relationships are those in which the partner is very different from yourself and you 'balance'. Very often when you first meet them, you clash.

A lot of my friends are very different, but that what makes it interesting to chat, have a laugh with them.

I always try to keep an open mind, and even though there are some 'bad' people, the majority are normally the way they are for reasons if you spend the time to find out are understandable and sometimes reversible.

I am an optimist though.

Difference and Bad are not synonymous. You can be different from someone and everything works like magic. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying Bad. I'm saying self-interested, mean-spirited, cruel, heartless people. There are people who live to cause drama. Men who lie and cheat and use women for sex. Women who lie and cheat and use men for money. These people exist. They are not mythical creatures. They are not fabled pegasus. These are real, legitimate people who's sole purpose is to be self-serving and malicious. And if you are keen on observation, and learn tells, so to speak, you can keep yourself from being corrupted by them. They exist. Either they are in some kind of transition or whathaveyou, but they do. And to sit around justifying their behavior to yourself....it doesn't stop them and it hurts you. Why would you do that to yourself?

Piston wrote:nah I'm not saying ignore the problem...

to follow ghandi's example 'be the change you want to see in the world'

i honestly find that most people I've not got on with in the past that i still see now respond much much better to unreserved consideration & warmth....theres a girl i used to fucking hate with a passion but now we never have a problem because i started just being nice to her...of course you will always get people that are impossible but they are few & far between in my experience & ultimately it's only your input to those around you you can effect directly & the rest is up to them

This has nothing to do with getting along with anyone. I can get along with almost anyone as a honed social skill. That has nothing to do with there being bad and good people. There are people I get along with who I know are mean and cruel. That has nothing to do with who they are. It has to do with what I allow my relationship with them to be.

Being nice doesn't always work. Being friendly doesn't always work. What does work, however, is understanding that this is your Universe. I can't change people. People are going to do whatever the hell they want, whether or not it makes me happy or not. What I can do is study the behavior, limit their contact, and not try to change them but work with who they are.

How many times have I heard a woman go on and on about a guy she loves no matter how much he cheats on her, never spends time with her, treats her like crap and humiliates her in front of his friends? What she should be doing is realizing that no matter how much she loves him, he's not going to change, and if she loves herself, why would she even want to be in that situation?

If you know who you are, you become very selective of the company you keep, because you love yourself enough to know whats good and whats bad for you. And if people are toxic, remove them and move on. Why would you keep a cancerous tumor in your life? Remove it and heal. Keeping the cancer around because its a part of you and inside you will only kill you.

Treat people accordingly. Stay open but watch for signs. If they act in a way that is harmful to you, don't overstay your welcome because you could be fucking yourself out of the next best thing because you are too jaded and can't see it. Likewise, if someone is kind, and loving, big ups and continue on, embracing them as the gifts they are.

Wow.

x2

That being said...

Gena wrote:Seems like I might have found someone, I'm gonna see him tomorrow and this weekend. Think I'll know more after that... oh sigh...

*starts to daydream*

I'm rooting for you! I'm in a spot where my socks are being rocked in the best way and my gaze is looking here and now and towards the horizon of hope.



Life can be so sweet when things fall into place, y'know?

Delendi wrote:

WHAT THE FUCK