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Fucking awful.lil-tee wrote:Three balloons
. Daddy balloon, mummy balloon and baby balloon.
Daddy balloon saids to baby balloon, look son, you are much to old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in you're own bed. Baby balloon protests, I like sleeping with you and mummy. No you are not sleeping with us and thats final. Ok saids baby balloon sadly.
Two in the morning baby balloon wakes up and dicides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dads knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummys knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. he still can't get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.
The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said son, I am really disapointed with you, I said you can't sleep with us. you've let me down, you're mummy down, and you're self down too.
So, so bad.
i was deprived of good jokes as a childDJelements wrote:Fucking awful.lil-tee wrote:Three balloons
. Daddy balloon, mummy balloon and baby balloon.
Daddy balloon saids to baby balloon, look son, you are much to old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in you're own bed. Baby balloon protests, I like sleeping with you and mummy. No you are not sleeping with us and thats final. Ok saids baby balloon sadly.
Two in the morning baby balloon wakes up and dicides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dads knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummys knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. he still can't get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.
The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said son, I am really disapointed with you, I said you can't sleep with us. you've let me down, you're mummy down, and you're self down too.
So, so bad.
Beef Strokinoff?Ov3rdos3 wrote:What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a masturbating bull? Beef Stoggenhof.
It's the way you tell 'em!bright maroon wrote:back in medieval times..there was a king and he was about to go on a year long war campaign and he didn't want anyone messing with his lady - so he went to his magicaian jack of all trades dude and had him create a chastity belt - this chastity belt was a new style as it had a large hole right where it should be covering stuff up - but the magician guy takes a stick and puts it through the hole and a miniature guillitine blade appears like and snaps the twig in half...
Kings like alright then and prepares to leave and tells his best mate - head of the castle guards that it is his primary duty to look after the queen and to report on any shady activities that may occur and then he leaves...
A year later he returns to the castle and summons the head of the guards to ask how things were with the queen and the guard just stands there in silence.
lil-tee wrote:Three balloons
. Daddy balloon, mummy balloon and baby balloon.
Daddy balloon saids to baby balloon, look son, you are much to old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in you're own bed. Baby balloon protests, I like sleeping with you and mummy. No you are not sleeping with us and thats final. Ok saids baby balloon sadly.
Two in the morning baby balloon wakes up and dicides to climb into bed with mummy and daddy. He finds there is no room, so he unties his dads knot and lets out some air, and ties him up again. Still no room, so he unties his mummys knot, also lets some air out and ties her up again. he still can't get in, so he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and ties himself up again, he finally has room, and snuggles down with mummy and daddy.
The next day they all wake, and daddy balloon is really angry. He said son, I am really disapointed with you, I said you can't sleep with us. you've let me down, you're mummy down, and you're self down too.
So, so bad.
Big fan of that joke.
got him to tell it like 7 timesi share the exact same story with that joke, it's a timeless classic..Lowpass wrote:3 kids named "shit" "fuck off" & "manners"
They go to the playground, shit and manners go on the slide but shit falls and hurts himself so manners goes to help him up.
Fuck off is walking passed a policeman, and being the gentlemen he is ask's who the kid is. He replies with a "fuck off". Startled the policeman asks "my my child where are your manners"
"Round the corner picking up shit"
First joke I can remember, it's also not that funny when you get over the novelty of "bad" words
alfie wrote:did anyone else have the skill/african bum disease joke doing the rounds?
THIS JOKE TAUGHT ME HOW TO SWEARAbs wrote:i share the exact same story with that joke, it's a timeless classic..Lowpass wrote:3 kids named "shit" "fuck off" & "manners"
They go to the playground, shit and manners go on the slide but shit falls and hurts himself so manners goes to help him up.
Fuck off is walking passed a policeman, and being the gentlemen he is ask's who the kid is. He replies with a "fuck off". Startled the policeman asks "my my child where are your manners"
"Round the corner picking up shit"
First joke I can remember, it's also not that funny when you get over the novelty of "bad" words
Ov3rdos3 wrote:This is is pretty bad.
A family of 4 are walking along the cliffs of Dover. A mom, a dad, their 4 year old daughter and their 6 year old son.
Anyways, the are all walking really close to the edge and the mom and dad slip and fuck off down the cliff and smash on the rocks below. Obviously its a bloody mess and the distraught kids are left screaming and crying at the top of the cliff.
An old man walking past hears them screaming and quickly runs up to them and asks them "Whats wrong kids!?" and the children sobbed "Our parents fell down the cliff and they are dead! Our parents are dead!!.
The old man unzips his trousers and says "Its not your fucking day today is it?"
holy mosesOv3rdos3 wrote:This is is pretty bad.
A family of 4 are walking along the cliffs of Dover. A mom, a dad, their 4 year old daughter and their 6 year old son.
Anyways, the are all walking really close to the edge and the mom and dad slip and fuck off down the cliff and smash on the rocks below. Obviously its a bloody mess and the distraught kids are left screaming and crying at the top of the cliff.
An old man walking past hears them screaming and quickly runs up to them and asks them "Whats wrong kids!?" and the children sobbed "Our parents fell down the cliff and they are dead! Our parents are dead!!.
The old man unzips his trousers and says "Its not your fucking day today is it?"
this one is real bad have also one..
hope it is right translated 
Nearly there mate lol. We've got our own version of it yeah!zepH! wrote:holy mosesOv3rdos3 wrote:This is is pretty bad.
A family of 4 are walking along the cliffs of Dover. A mom, a dad, their 4 year old daughter and their 6 year old son.
Anyways, the are all walking really close to the edge and the mom and dad slip and fuck off down the cliff and smash on the rocks below. Obviously its a bloody mess and the distraught kids are left screaming and crying at the top of the cliff.
An old man walking past hears them screaming and quickly runs up to them and asks them "Whats wrong kids!?" and the children sobbed "Our parents fell down the cliff and they are dead! Our parents are dead!!.
The old man unzips his trousers and says "Its not your fucking day today is it?"
...a paedophiliac walk with a little child in the forest. suddenly the child says:"mister, mister, I have fear" the man returns: "YOU have fear?Imagine, I must walk alone out of this forest