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bokatordubstep wrote:

JFK wrote:

bokatordubstep wrote:this one's probably happened to a few of us.

i was jerkin my gerkin one night, sitting at the computer, watching some redtube.

felt a tingling sensation coming on, leaned back in my chair (as to catch the spunk on my stomach, easiest place for me to clean it from)

and POW




shot myself IN my open mouth.

in case you're wondering, it tastes something like salt and peroxide from what i remember.

maybe that's just my diet....

I swear you are the funniest motherfucker on planet Earth man I read through your old posts when I feel like shit.

That one where you wrote about accidently back handing your gf whilst boning her was hilarious.....

Here it is just in case anybody missed it the first time round:

bokatordubstep wrote:was boning my ex one time and for some reason instead of having one hand on either side of her head for support, i had both hands on the left side.
well i went to shift my left hand back to the left side and accidentally backhanded the shit out of her. she had a black eye for a while.

we were gettin at it HARD one time at my room in my parents house, hadn't seen her for like a week so we had pent up tension i guess. so i was punishing her from behind, arm of the futon smacking the wall with every thrust, and then just as im cumming i hear my mom's voice thru the door "david, you guys need to keep it down..."


just hearing your own mother say your name as your spooging is such an awkward feeling.

didnt see this at first. was from the "most embarrassing sex moments" or sumtin like that, yeh?

Yeah , thats it..... There are others too.

kay wrote:

Motorway to Roswell wrote:Two of my mates snuck into one of their younger brother's rooms whilst he was asleep and wanked on each side of his pillow, either side of his head.

Award for most likely to commit gay tsecni.

just fucking wrong!!!

well for me personally stepping in dog shit barefoot was pretty disgusting but...
I saw this guy go in to a porta potty and then someone (his friend) tipped it over on to the door, guy inside starts screaming and going nuts all while theres shit water spewing out the little chimney at the top of the porta potty
worst party was it got tipped on to the door so he couldn't get out, his buddies had to roll it on to its side to get him out and he emerged covered in shit it was absolutely disgusting

ht2 wrote:well for me personally stepping in dog shit barefoot was pretty disgusting but...
I saw this guy go in to a porta potty and then someone (his friend) tipped it over on to the door, guy inside starts screaming and going nuts all while theres shit water spewing out the little chimney at the top of the porta potty
worst party was it got tipped on to the door so he couldn't get out, his buddies had to roll it on to its side to get him out and he emerged covered in shit it was absolutely disgusting

These are pure gold!!! Keep em coming Ninjas!!

stappard wrote:

mc wayne wrote:when i was 18, and hadn't washed for ages, like... not washing in general, I still did that, and my hair, but my dad never taught my properly how to wash my ... you know what.

so one day my cock was itching at work, I checked it out in privacy and all i saw where like, yellow chunks, looked like oats, pouring out my bell hole, it reeked. i proper freaked out. turned out it's smegma. I wash alot now.

People's dads teach them how to wash their cocks?

lolll

Never eating or having sex again after reading this thread.

what is tsecni?!

I thought upper-decking was a thing of myths, until one time I went into my local's bog on a Friday night and saw a couple of steamers floating on top of the tank. It was more funny than disgusting to be fair, but I quickly vacated the premises as I didn't want the landlord Terry to catch me looking at this thing and giggling like a nerd in a Star Trek shop, as he would of probably made me eat it.

Drunk my own piss and rolled around in my own vomit a few times, but judging from some of the stories here, that's like a Thursday night to some of you.

hayze99 wrote:There's also the time I was looking for munchies at 6 in the morning in my bedroom in the dark, and found a pack of bread. I put it in my mouth, swallowed it, and felt something might not be right. I turned on the light and it was bright green, weeks and weeks old.

Still, you probably killed off a few stomach bugs in the process!

JFK wrote:

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:-Mashed as fuck once, struggling to make a fry up for a few mates after a club night, cracking eggs for frying and a stillborn chicken fell into the pan

Best one yet. Fucking vile

It's actually quite delicious. I eat them all the time. Steamed and served with a good chilli sauce.

This has to be awared sickest thread ever. And not in a good way

Posted a story before on here about a time where i shat over myself, the floor, the toilet and in my own pants at school, as well as projectile vomitting over myself at the same time. I think that post got deleted and i cba to write the whole story lol. But yeh waddling through school desperatly hoping no one will notice or smell the sick and shit all over you was pretty bad. (No one knows till this day though... )

Also quiet recently while walking through a park with my mates i didn't notice a dead bird on the ground, stepped on it and the whole inside it slipped out through its arse. Leaving a sack of skin and feathers with a pile of entrails and brains next to it.
I tell thee the feeling of the insides of a bird slipping out underneath your shoes isnt particually pleasent.

me and a friend once found a dead bird, and using a wild sling (one of those giant really powerful catapults) launched it into the side of a wall of a building near his house. im pretty sure there is still a stain on the wall

one time i waas really hammered and in my sleep i puked on my pillow, i remember feeling a wet sensation on my face during my drunken slumber but passed it off as drool and kept sleeping, i awoke to find my head and pillow covered in the most disgusting chicken wing/liqour combination ever

gnome wrote:

brasco wrote:

Motorway to Roswell wrote:

TL_ wrote:
This girl and her fiancée were having sex, and he decided it was a good idea to put some chocolate buttons in before he had sex with her. He then had sex while they were inside her, then after decided to eat the chocolate buttons. While doing so he ate a "squidgy bit" (that was how it was described to me). A week or so later he got this massive throat infection, which he went to the doctors to see about. Turned out that the "squidgy bit" was actually a genital wart.

That is fucked.

x 100

Must be an urban myth. I heard this so many times. But with fruit pastilles instead of chocolate. Also how the fuck do genital warts just fall off?

It may be a myth, but I was told the name of the girl that did it (forgot what it is though), and was told the story by someone who used to be her friend. I did hear the fruit pastille version too, but as far as I know the real version is the chocolate button one.

Yeah I guess it aint impossible. Just when you hear a story a lot it tends to become an urban myth. maybe it has its roots in fact

ahier wrote:what is tsecni?!

Read it backwards, apparently the filter doesn't like it for some bizarre reason. EDIT: Errr, it wasn't backwards, it was scrambled. Starts with "in" and ends with "cest".

Most disgusting thing that's happened to me was probably falling deep deep deep down in a k-hole, vomiting out the beef chilli + potatoes I'd just eaten, deciding it was actually quite tasty and started swallowing it back down, and then vomiting it back out again. Might have repeated a few times. To be fair, no bile came out with it, so it really did just taste exactly like what I'd just eaten.

dude thats fucked ^^^

baron_von_carlton wrote:

JFK wrote:

BLAHBLAHJAH wrote:-Mashed as fuck once, struggling to make a fry up for a few mates after a club night, cracking eggs for frying and a stillborn chicken fell into the pan

Best one yet. Fucking vile

It's actually quite delicious. I eat them all the time. Steamed and served with a good chilli sauce.

Yeah, that's what I was talking bout in my last post. Kind of curious to know what it's like.

I went to pick up and play a friend's harmonica and I sucked in instead of blowing, and I sucked in a booger that my 4 year old neighbor had put into one of the holes. He started laughing and I blew chunks.