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Ez peeps.

Sitting on the bus this morning, has prompted me to make this thread.

Heres my story.

I get the bus every day to work, it takes 40mins and goes all round my area and then dumps me in the town i work.

Along the way, it pics up the usual load of school children, OAP's, chavy mums and slightly smelly people.

Now, its always been my understanding that there is an unwritten rule and this rule is that; when you get on the bus, you must sit on an empty pair of seats and only if all said seats are taken, only then can you sit next to someone.

So.

Why is it that, this morning, the bus was pretty much empty, that the biggest man in the world (he struggled to fit down the walkway) chose to walk ALL THE WAY to the back of the bus where i was sitting and sit next to me.

The worst bus journey EVER! 30mins sat next to a sweaty, 300stone, heavy breathing fassyhole!



did i miss a memo saying that we can sit anywhere we like now???

The worlds gone mad!

i tell you a law they should impose on the night bus - if you haven't got the cash with you for the bus, and the driver isn't being chill and letting you on anyway, then please just get the fuck off rather than hold everyone else up whilst you spend 20 minutes arguing with him, before then trying to spit through the glass...

dubluke wrote:i tell you a law they should impose on the night bus - if you haven't got the cash with you for the bus, and the driver isn't being chill and letting you on anyway, then please just get the fuck off rather than hold everyone else up whilst you spend 20 minutes arguing with him, before then trying to spit through the glass...

and you shouldnt be allowed to pay in coppers! the amount of time wasted with old biddies counting £1.60 out in 2p coins is ridiculous! Not only do the biddies waste time counting it, but then the driver has to aswell!

Even more important are the laws regarding which urinal to take.

magma wrote:Even more important are the laws regarding which urinal to take.

I've been in nuff clubs where there's just one of them long trough style things that can only house 3 people. Even when there's a large queue, the main rule is never to take the middle slot. 1 person on each end, leave a generous gap in the middle, everyone's a winner.

hahaha, thats a slightly more pressing issue though really isnt it.

i'd love to see a 4 page acticle about that in the guardian, but taken seriously with interviews with politicians and the man who invented the urinal

bare jokes

There's a circle of Hell devoted to those who sit next to you on the bus/the cinema (including directly behind you in an empty screen)

True thing about the bus I agree. Also agree about the urinal but i'm more of a cubical man. Spent too many nights n old man pubs to go near urinals. They say a lot of weird things

gnome wrote:True thing about the bus I agree. Also agree about the urinal but i'm more of a cubical man. Spent too many nights n old man pubs to go near urinals. They say a lot of weird things

im more a cubical man aswell, mainly because my penis is so verry, verry small that im embarased to get it out in public.

djacroama wrote:

gnome wrote:True thing about the bus I agree. Also agree about the urinal but i'm more of a cubical man. Spent too many nights n old man pubs to go near urinals. They say a lot of weird things

im more a cubical man aswell, mainly because my penis is so verry, verry small that im embarased to get it out in public.

Fuck cubicals, all they're good for is doing drugs in. When you're at a club you know atleast 90% of the male patrons have some sort of substance in them that causes shrinkage, so be safe in the knowledge that you're not the only one with a small penis.

pikeymobile wrote:Fuck cubicals, all they're good for is doing drugs in. When you're at a club you know atleast 90% of the male patrons have some sort of substance in them that causes shrinkage, so be safe in the knowledge that you're not the only one with a small penis.

Found an excuse at last!

"Don't worry mate, something I took made my cock look really tiny, also you're drunk so your perception is off"

totally agree (with the unwritten rule on the bus - i'll pass on any cubical comments). maybe that fat dude fancied you. but what if some fit girl were to do that? would that break the rules?

I loved that the other week. Some woman gave birth on the 394 in Hackney and called her son Dennis after the bus

SwordRaven wrote:

There's a circle of Hell devoted to those who sit next to you on the bus/the cinema (including directly behind you in an empty screen)

i think worse is the ones who sit in front of you so you have to be subjected to an hour and a half of leg cramp cus you cant put your fkin feet up

triky wrote:totally agree (with the unwritten rule on the bus - i'll pass on any cubical comments). maybe that fat dude fancied you. but what if some fit girl were to do that? would that break the rules?

I was just about to say that!, There is a norm saying that you set on a empty seat, however would you not want to break this norm for a very sexy girl ? i would gladly move my bag

But tell me tell you hows it done now!

When you know that stop is going to come with all the funny guys in it, would you do is move your legs onto the other sit, back to the window and then FAKE to be sleeping ! head down not looking up no movement and soon as the bus starts, start laffing at them hahah !!
i always do this!

Also, people who bring their dogs on the bus. Whats the point, you're meant to be WALKING the dog

On Buses:
on the bus rule allow fattys sitting next to you.

Oyster card buses piss me off, what happened to good old cash!??!

The old man in me gets properly pissed off when you got some little nextman who wont give up his seat for the OAP who clearly needs to sit down for fear of death or issues with their incontinence pants.

On Toilets:
Oldman pubs, I dont use urinals any more only cubical. fed up of pissed next man striking up a conversation when im trying to take a piss, private time, back down. On that note what is it with people who talk - either on the phone or to someone in another cubical - when taking a shit, what's goin on there?

Also those clubs you dont want to be in - like yates if you can call that a club - where they have the matey by the sink who trys to wash your fucking hands and make you smell like a Vietnamese whore and then take your hard earned cash off you for it. allow that, I can wash my own hands thanks and I dont smell.

missedthebus wrote: On Toilets:
Oldman pubs, I dont use urinals any more only cubical. fed up of pissed next man striking up a conversation when im trying to take a piss, private time, back down. On that note what is it with people who talk - either on the phone or to someone in another cubical - when taking a shit, what's goin on there?

Haha with you on that one. An old man came up to me and was like "I dont beleive in life anymore" How the fuck am I meant to respond to that good god!

missedthebus wrote:On Buses:
on the bus rule allow fattys sitting next to you.

Oyster card buses piss me off, what happened to good old cash!??!

The old man in me gets properly pissed off when you got some little nextman who wont give up his seat for the OAP who clearly needs to sit down for fear of death or issues with their incontinence pants.

On Toilets:
Oldman pubs, I dont use urinals any more only cubical. fed up of pissed next man striking up a conversation when im trying to take a piss, private time, back down. On that note what is it with people who talk - either on the phone or to someone in another cubical - when taking a shit, what's goin on there?

Also those clubs you dont want to be in - like yates if you can call that a club - where they have the matey by the sink who trys to wash your fucking hands and make you smell like a Vietnamese whore and then take your hard earned cash off you for it. allow that, I can wash my own hands thanks and I dont smell.

we have one in rock city in notts. many a time ive been ejected for getting in heated arguments with him cus the tnuc switches the hand driers off and takes all the bog roll and hand towels then makes you fucking pay for them. i just grab them and chuck them over the floor and he gets VEXXED