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Superhanz on his rental snake & how to tell if it’s dangerous or not: “Red & Black, step the fuck back, Green & Yellow, Cuddly fellow”

Superhanz on the “Men with Ven” Idea “Your riding bitch, on the bitch rack”

Jeremy asking his mum for coffee as politely as he can manage “Coffee, Mummy, Fuckey hurry up-ey!”

Sure I can think of more, but anyway yea, it’s such a good show man!!

From the newest series: Jeremy to that russian chick in an over enthusiastic desperate tone "I just want to fuck my brain into your brain into my brain"

Super Hans: "I'll tell you what, this crack is really more-ish."

And there's one that Jeremy says - I can't remember it exactly, but he's sat in a town centre watching a bunch of ladies walk by, saying to himself "She's got one........she's got one............."

Mark- 'What if I lose it? I'm not gonna do a poo am I, Jez?'

Mark: "I need to get to her before someone else discovers she has that special combination of beauty and low self esteem!"

Superhans: "People like Coldplay and voted for the sizan. You can't trust people!"

Jez: "I'm not going to co-manage a pub called Free The Paedos!"

Superhanz from the 1st Show

“And no Clover in the foam, you know what that is don’t you, your drinking an advert, aint you, shithead!”

And when Jez goes on a date with a girl

(talking about the expensive wine)

Girl “This wine is beautiful!”

Jez “Yeaaa….obviously not as good as hot chocolate or coke”

Johnson: "Its just me, you, some chinese food and a couple of fuck off spreadsheets"

Can't remember any quotes but the whole new boiler scene is hirarious

"buying a boiler is the most boring way to spend a grand"...

Superhanz init, everything he says is quotable.

cant remember the exact quote, something like

"im not going to rape him...i could rape him"

can't remember the actual quotes but there were a hand full of great ones on the episode 'Sophie's Parents' the first episode of season 4.

ahier wrote:cant remember the exact quote, something like

"im not going to rape him...i could rape him"

thats the one. where he drugs mark with night nurse at the mushroom party. classic line

Jez - "Could I please have a bit of drugs?"

Superhanz - "Sorry mate I'd love to but...this is mine and I want it all"


My favorite quote by a mile

"Bishop Weed!" hahaha!

also..

when jez is really depressed & has split with elaina..

mark (thinking to himself)

"oh no, he's having an episode"

comic timing is superb

"i've shot you jeff. with a bullet made of scottish finance regulations."

Mark: "That's your idea? We murder Mr. Patel? What is it with you and murdering today?"

Hoodlum: "Fuck off cleanshirt"

Jez: "Im thinking of selling gunny - I could sell it to some yardies"
Mark: "No Jeremy, gunny lives with us now"

Jez: "Suck mummys finger?"

Mark: "I like you Sophie - and if you can't handle that then you can just fuck off"

Mark: "Who do you think you are Jez? You're not james bond"
Jez thinks *I am james bond*

The whole wank bullet thing was classic too

Oh and can't forget

Super Hans: "Jez, can you tell me as a mate, as someone who knows me very well... is the bottom half of me on fire?"

swomp wrote:
Jez: "Suck mummys finger?"

hahaa.. and that bit ware mark pulls the head of a pheasant

"it's not like I'm going to rape him... I could rape him... I'm not goign to rape him."

"God I must look so cool to her, like Pete Doherty or Bukowkski " "Hold your horses honey I've got coupons for the pringles"

"Congratulations, you've just killed a sentient being"

swomp wrote: Mark: "Who do you think you are Jez? You're not james bond"
Jez thinks *I am james bond*

From the new series:

Jez: He hasn’t got a girlfriend so he buys a new sofa. You can’t fuck a sofa, mate, take it from me