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When you put it in her bum and she goes 'NOOO! NOT IN THERE, I'M ONLY 12, I'M ONLY 12!' that means she's enjoying it.

When you cum do it in her hair.


They secretly all LOVE it.

girls like it when you go for a piss in the night and don't bother shaking so they get a little dribble of wee on their leg when you get back into bed. this reminds them of your dick and all girls love thinking about dick.

going down on a girl when shes on gives you an excellent chance to look like something out of a horror film

tr0tsky wrote:When you cum do it in her hair.


They secretly all LOVE it.

Alternatively do the houdini......

When going from behind as you're about to blow, makes noises as if you are blowing and spit on her back, then she'll turn round and give you that look of satisfaction, then BAM. Let off the real deal in her face.

Amusing, but you could end up dead.

Women love improvisation. Consistant rhythm is a BIG turn off . Shake things up for your lady by pausing for a few minutes between every thrust, or enjoy the occasional swig of beer while she's just about climbing the climax ladder.

Another good tactic is to check Facebook halfway through going down on her.

light choking

Do not, under any circumstances, put your penis in her vagina. Its a deadly bear trap, and all women will try their hardist to persuade you to do so. Please, for the sake of humanity, resist.

When going down on a girl sing "This is the Captain of your ship, calling.... DIVE DIVE DIVE"

Dont forget to visably rise your periscope (hand) mid munching.

Also dont forget to visably rise for a deep breath puting your head in plain sight before going back down saying "DIVE DIVE DIVE".

After sex, proclaim how good you are and when she says "You're a bit of full of yourself say "No dear, you're a bit full of myself".

Motorway to Roswell wrote:After sex, proclaim how good you are and when she says "You're a bit of full of yourself say "No dear, you're a bit full of myself".

Bwahahahahahaha. This is one I'm actually gonna try.

If your rubber falls off mid-romp leave it in there and push it as far up her as possible with your manhood, either hole...she loves trying to fish anything out of her holes after sex...

Do your very best to make sure you laugh if she queefs. Especially if this is your first time. They love knowing you noticed.

Lube is cheating.

DRTY wrote:

tr0tsky wrote:When you cum do it in her hair.


They secretly all LOVE it.

Alternatively do the houdini......

When going from behind as you're about to blow, makes noises as if you are blowing and spit on her back, then she'll turn round and give you that look of satisfaction, then BAM. Let off the real deal in her face.

Amusing, but you could end up dead.

Or you could do the great houdini and have a guy waiting in the closet to blow his load on her after you spit on her back

Put a tic-tac in there.

Tell her she has beautiful hair and that you like playing with it, Then when she goes down on you yank it back and forth.

Sleep with her friends, this will make her jealous and want to out do her mate by giving you better sex than youve ever had.

Smell her panties and make weird grunting sounds, this is gaurenteed to make her squirt.

Slap her round the face with your cock, She'll think your kinky!

if she offers to let you stick a finger in her bum if she can stick one in yours, go for it.
also when you pull out of the bum and have a little poo on your weiner ask her to give you head.
make shotgun noises right before your about to blow.
tell her youd like her to grow out a bush, then when she has one tell her its disgusting.

don gotti wrote: make shotgun noises right before your about to blow.
tell her youd like her to grow out a bush, then when she has one tell her its disgusting.

I lol'd, twice.

Illustrate logically how diarrhea shouldn't prevent anal sex

magma wrote: Lube is cheating.

i always say that if spit doesnt work, it isnt true love