I have a friend who has so many bad habits, mostly stemming from laziness, willpower, and depression . His gas tank is always on empty, he eats fast food every day, has tried quitting smoking unsuccessfully a few times, shows up late everywhere, etc. He's intelligent but hasn't been successful in school because of his poor work ethic (he's taken 7 years to finish up a 4 year degree). I've talked to him about this many times over the years and he knows what he needs to do but doesn't ever practice the advice. He's been hounded his whole life about his work ethic. At this point, I have accepted him the way he is but am concerned that his habits are a self perpetuating cycle of depression and will continue to hold him back. Now I'm trying to do more outdoorsy stuff with him and his friends. Hopefully becoming more physically active will start to pull him out of the fog. But really, I don't think I will be able to do much.
Have any of you had any success in helping friends with seemingly intractable habits?
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:27 am
by noam
be their friend until they become too boring then leave them
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:28 am
by ketamine
noam wrote:be their friend until they become too boring then leave them
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:31 am
by noam
ruckus49 wrote: Hopefully becoming more physically active will start to pull him out of the fog.
really and truly this helps
just gotta make people stick at it
i have found its helped me massively, and more to the point i really fucking need it
also gettin laid helps.
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:33 am
by Raggles
I used to have a friend like that, almost exactly.
I think in his case it was more of a combination between no work ethic and spending every dime on bud.
This kid would get 20$ from his mom, go 30 minutes away to the city and spend it all on a gram of dank then run out of gas on his way home. Then he calls me to come bring him gas so he can make it home.(because he doesn't have money to get gas now) Didn't have any income, and he couldn't get him mom to help him because then she will ask what he spent it on.
So eventually I assumed every time he called me was to ask me for gas or some other bullshit so that kind of ended our friendship. He wouldn't text me for gas because it would be easier to say no, so I just had to ignore him.
Personally, I think it depends on how good of friends you are with the person.
If it was somebody I had met within the year, I would just cut em loose. Those kind of people will drag you down.
And in the case of helping him, it's probably something to do with how he was raised so that could be a tough task.
You should take him to a show or something.
Get him involved in more activities that will interest them.
Good Luck
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:01 am
by ruckus49
noam wrote:
ruckus49 wrote: Hopefully becoming more physically active will start to pull him out of the fog.
really and truly this helps
just gotta make people stick at it
i have found its helped me massively, and more to the point i really fucking need it
also gettin laid helps.
word. he lives with his girlfriend so that's not really an issue.
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:05 am
by pkay
introduce him to meth
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:07 am
by ruckus49
Raggles wrote:
Personally, I think it depends on how good of friends you are with the person.
If it was somebody I had met within the year, I would just cut em loose. Those kind of people will drag you down.
And in the case of helping him, it's probably something to do with how he was raised so that could be a tough task.
You should take him to a show or something.
Get him involved in more activities that will interest them.
Good Luck
yeah we've been friends like 10 years. I don't think he's nearly as much of a fuck up as the old friend you described lol. I don't need to take care of him like that. Its more of just a culmination of stupid habits that are to his detriment.
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:14 am
by ketamine
Well you’ve succeeded at changing my behavior. Forum’s extra boring tonight. Going to play some Red Dead Redemption...
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:43 am
by Mammoth
ruckus49 wrote:I have a friend who has so many bad habits, mostly stemming from laziness, willpower, and depression . His gas tank is always on empty, he eats fast food every day, has tried quitting smoking unsuccessfully a few times, shows up late everywhere, etc. He's intelligent but hasn't been successful in school because of his poor work ethic (he's taken 7 years to finish up a 4 year degree). I've talked to him about this many times over the years and he knows what he needs to do but doesn't ever practice the advice. He's been hounded his whole life about his work ethic. At this point, I have accepted him the way he is but am concerned that his habits are a self perpetuating cycle of depression and will continue to hold him back. Now I'm trying to do more outdoorsy stuff with him and his friends. Hopefully becoming more physically active will start to pull him out of the fog. But really, I don't think I will be able to do much.
Have any of you had any success in helping friends with seemingly intractable habits?
I used to be like that due to depression but I started taking ssris and jogging and picking up skateboarding again. getting him to have fun is the crucial part.
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:06 am
by parson
this book will teach you how to reprogram your personality.
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:08 am
by parson
watch this too
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:48 am
by youthful_implants
proper exercise can cure a lot of things and particularly help with depression and lack of motivation because he'll have more energy if its part of his routine. making someone do it though, thats the hard bit.
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:06 am
by RandoRando
the description of your friend sounds exactly like me
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:37 am
by test_recordings
Helping him do things to do them himself?
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:30 am
by Mr Hyde
Some people like getting up early, going for a run, eating healthy, working and playing hard, socialising a lot....some people would prefer to stay in bed til lunch, get stoned, eat junk, watch telly, listen to music, play xbox. Each to their own innit, who says being lazy is such a bad thing? Plenty of both types get tired/stressed/depressed, and some are just naturally less sociable and more melancholy than others, can't just compare everyone else to your own values and try to change them to fit what you see as being right....Perhaps your friend isn't going to be happier with academic achievement and an active life?
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:45 pm
by ruckus49
He has expressed that he wants to change, but he feels limited by his past. He would probably not be happy being a type A personality as you described, but some balance would be good. Thanks all for the suggestions
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:17 pm
by Karoshi
ruckus49 wrote:He has expressed that he wants to change, but he feels limited by his past. He would probably not be happy being a type A personality as you described, but some balance would be good. Thanks all for the suggestions
could just be saying that to shut people up from nagging him lol, i know i use to when my parents nagged me
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:12 pm
by Ricky_Spanish
pkay wrote:introduce him to meth
...or crack.
Do you sometimes feel irritable, restless, uneasy, sad, normal, or just plain 'not high'?
Maybe it time to try crack...
Crack may cause shivers, night terrors, gay for pay, heart palpitations, homicidal paranoia, or the sensation that you're on fire. Peeing blood and seeing friends faces as talking skeletons are possible side-effects of crack. People who use crack may also experience 5-7 years in prison where brutal raping may occur. If you experience one or more of these side-effects, consult your dealer, you may need more crack.
Crack, isn't it time you see what all the fuss is about?
Re: changing people's behaviors
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 6:17 pm
by crutch
the only person that can truly change behaviors is themselves. there are tools however such as the book parson posted (which i havent read), nlp (debatable as it is just a money grabbing industry now), spiritual stuff, ect. there are countless books and teachers available. i think the important question you need to ask yourself is why are you so keen to change your friend? you need to make sure it is for the right reasons (intention is a powerful force). why do you hang out with him? basically some people seek weakness in people because it will mask their own insecuritys. dont. go towards the light.
HOWEVER
if you just want your buddy back then exercise is the best suggestion, drag them out for a run, take them camping/fishing, make it a routine and stick with it.
Forum’s extra boring tonight. Going to play some Red Dead Redemption...