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What speakers did you mix this on? It is lacking in the mid range a lot, and there is far too much going on rhythmically. Structurally it is inconsistent and confusing. Like I've said to a few other people today, listen to the structure of some of your favorite tracks, and try to emulate. Copy them bar for bar if you have to, just so you have an understanding of the dynamic progression in your preferred electronic music. The individual elements in your own production will sing to you, as you've written them, but to the outside listener if the structure is all over the place you will lose their attention. In regards to the missing mid range, do the same - listen to some other tracks, and try to emulate the overall sonic image you hear.

thanx ive been doing nothing but rap music the last 15years this is my first attempt outside that genre i appriciate the feedback